感恩师尊棒喝 不争气的弟子奋起直追
文：澳大利亚大法弟子
尊敬的师父好！
同修们好！
我于二零一三年得法，因为两次生孩子而放松了修炼。在九年修炼期间，我实修的时间很少。深感惭愧，愧对师尊。今天将我重新开始实修的短短三个月的修炼体会向师尊汇报，与大家交流。
几年前，我曾交流说自己悟道不能要二胎，觉得那样太耽误时间了，可是在家人和公婆的逐步催促下，女儿也不断的吵着要弟弟妹妹，重重压力下，我妥协了。没有想到的是，我不仅怀孕，而且怀了双胞胎。我无法面对这个现实，但又必须面对。
在孩子几个月的时候，我经常抱着孩子上楼都会有一脚踩空就三个人一起摔下楼的假想，因为实在太累了，在师父的看护下，这样的事情没有发生。在日复一日的煎熬中，我的身体每每接近承受的极限，又要再次突破极限。师父说：“身体不舒服，心也不舒服。”[1] 。我将这一切的根源归结为家人催促我生二胎，公公，先生和女儿成为了我发泄的对象，每每孩子吵闹的我心烦意乱，我就会借口一些小事对他们发火，说很多难听的话，我的怨恨越积越深。忙碌又混乱的生活使我无法静下心来学法，越不能学法情况越是糟糕，我感觉生活看不到希望，学不了法，想着未来的日子，一家子的家务与教育孩子几乎都是我一个人的事情，我绝望极了，这种心理压力让我产生了放弃修炼，破罐子破摔的念头，我开始放纵自己，通过看电视剧和各种视频来逃避现实。
慈悲的师父没有放弃我，总是有同修打电话来与我交流，终于我和一位同修开始了学法，一周能跟她一起学上三四讲法，我很快不再看常人视频了，转而看一些同修讲真相的视频。
一、一记棒喝方醒悟
六月底的一天，我正要开车出门送孩子上幼儿园，却突然感觉一阵头晕，紧接着右手象不见了，突然我看见我的右手象变成一条蛇在车内的地上扭动，我用左手用力去抓住它。我感到身体越发不对劲，我想着用左手开车先把孩子们送去幼儿园，当我坐到驾驶室时，我的左手也不灵了，双腿也不受控制了，口中流涎，我尝试打电话求助，却发现自己说不清话，但我还是奇迹般的拨通了先生的电话。这时两个孩子已经吓哭了，从座椅上下来了，（事后我意识到是师父帮他们解开了安全带）。我在心里一遍遍喊师父救我，一边拼劲全力把孩子们弄下车，自己也摊在了草地上，我记不清我是如何移动到了家门口，当我在家门口的地上坐定下来，我努力使自己镇定，并一遍遍喊师父救我。这时同修赶来了，我想让同修帮我把孩子送去幼儿园，同修说了一句话，意思我不用管孩子了，我当即感到那句话像是师父说的，话很重，我知道我还在放不下对孩子的情中，必须放下了。
我進到客厅坐下来，我试着念九字真言，但是想不起来，但是师父的一句法却一直非常清晰“谁能动了你，就能动了我，说白了，他就能动了这个宇宙。” [1] 这一句法给了我很强的信心，慢慢我能想起九字真言，我一遍遍念，并求师父救我，发正念否定旧势力，接着来了一车同修，先生同修也回来了，我们一起学了一讲法，学完我四肢正常了，师父告诫我们：“大法弟子中不精進的、走极端的，马上归正自己，真心学法、修炼，因为你们在最危险中。”[2] 至此，我明白，即使我还年轻，不精進，也可能会被旧势力钻空子甚至失去生命，得了法而不精進修炼是危险的。我要精進起来，不能辜负师父的慈悲救度。
首先要放下的就是对儿女的情，孩子们首先是师父的弟子，然后才是我的儿女，我陷在对他们的情中不好好修炼，用常人方法怎么教育他们也是无意义的。他们是来得法的，带好他们的修炼是我要完成的使命，我自己都修不好，怎么完成这神圣的使命呢。
从加强学法开始，当时我说话读法都非常艰难，《转法轮》几乎象从来没有学过一样，而且一句话下来想不读错字都很难，眼睛看着没错，却发不出正确的音。一天学两讲法就占据了我整个白天能用的时间。我依旧坚持多学法，白天和同修在网上学，晚上和家人同修一起学法。一个月后，我差不多可以正常的读法了。
二、学法中融化了我与公公间的隔阂
这三个月的时间，我找到了修炼如初的状态，手机除了必须的用途外，只用来看明慧网和听明慧广播，不再看youtube了，也找到自己很多很多的执着，其中对家人的怨恨心显得尤其突出。
由于长期以来把自己目前不理想的生活状态都归结为是家人催促我生二胎造成的，对家人的怨恨越积越深。我和公公一直不和，虽然表面没有矛盾，但看到一些不符合我观念的做法时心里的厌烦就涌上来了。师父说：“怨恨心哪，就是养成了那种喜欢听好听的、喜欢好事，否则就怨恨。大家想想啊，这可不行的，修炼不能这样修吧。我一直在讲，修炼人要反过来看问题，你碰到不好的事的时候你要认为是好事、是要提高你来了，这个路我得走好它，这是又要过关了，修炼来了。”[3] 经过一段时间的学法，学会了反过来看问题，把坏事当成好事，我发现我没有刻意做什么，对公公的不满却渐渐的淡了。
一天早上，当我看见坐在餐桌旁的公公时，我突然感到自己不再嫌弃他了，我觉得他也许是师父安排来给我修炼提高的，他的一切表现都是为了修去我的人心的，我明白的太迟了，如果再修不好，既辜负了师父的苦心安排，也会让公公不能对大法有正面的认识，我告诫自己一定要做好。我甚至脑中冒出一念，希望我自己做的更好一些让他也能学大法。这想法在以前是不可能有的，我以前觉得他是一个那么顽固不化的人，是那个被邪党卖了还替邪党数钱的人。
现在我善心一出，我与公公之间的隔阂没有了，被大法融化了。再看到公公有什么事情没做好，我就在他走以后去把他做好，不伤他的自尊，我也能自然的叫他“爸”，也放心的让他照看孩子们了。现在公公经常能在我忙的时候帮忙照看儿子们，买菜等。我的归正也带来了孩子的改变，孩子们也开始很有礼貌的对待爷爷。
三、善待女儿
一直以来，我在家都是个严厉的妈妈，不只严厉，经常会对孩子大发脾气，对孩子要求很严苛，虽然事后都会跟孩子讲道理，但当时那种气急败坏的状态完全是魔性的表现。学法一段时间后我意识到真正的修炼人不是这样教育孩子的，家中的环境应该是祥和的，应该给孩子一个温暖的家，一个温柔的母亲。现在，我依旧严厉，但是我尽量控制自己的情绪，不再发脾气，在孩子犯错时，我不再一味的指责了，我静下心来向内找。找到自己求名的心，攀比心，争斗心，自以为是的心，爱面子的心，追求完美的心。
有一天早上上网课前，我叫女儿赶紧收拾房间，突然女儿跑下楼来告诉我说她把水洒在书桌上了。我当时很平静，没有一丁点想要责备她的意思，我叮嘱她照看弟弟，我自己上楼去收拾，一边收拾，我一边向内找，为什么会发生这样的事，师父说：“事事对照 做到是修” [4]
我找到自己没有做到为他人着想，即便是自己的孩子，我也应该为她考虑，马上就要开始上课了，我只要求她马上把房间收拾好，却忘记了，我以前没有耐心教过她如何收拾房间，而且这么短的时间，其实等于给了她超过她能承受的压力，在其他一些事情上我似乎也经常只是一味的要求，为的是她做的比同龄人出色我好去炫耀自己教子有方，甚至在丈夫面前也要将女儿好的表现归功于自己的教育。我跟师父说：“我错了”，这桌子就应该我来收拾，我不想付出却想收获，还有那么强烈的求名的心，我不要这个肮脏的人心。
意识到与修去还是有很大的距离，每每看到或听到其他孩子的出色表现时我的求名的心，攀比心又会冒出来，教孩子读法时学到：“为名者气恨终生”[5] 我意识到，求名的心也会引起怨恨心，争斗心，这个心必须要去掉。我不断的发正念清除它，一冒出来我就抑制它。我决心一定要修去这颗求名的心。
四、参与RTC平台打电话
我参加了为期八天的RTC平台打电话口讲培训，长期以来自以为是的心不去，在培训中暴露出来就是参加培训不认真，培训第八天开始实际拨打，对我这个从来没有对中国人讲真相的人来说真的太难了，接通电话，我的身体被紧张团团围住，我知道那紧张也是物质，必须清除它，同时自己还有怕心，我告诉自己必须要突破，我在心中求师父加持我，并发正念清除团团包围我的紧张的物质，这样胆胆突突的打了几通电话，似乎好一些了。
第二天，一个协调同修交流说道：“在中国大陆的同修有怕心，那是真的，我们都到海外来了，隔着电话讲真相，有什么可怕的呢，说安逸心还差不多。”我悟道这是师父借同修的话点悟我，是啊，怕什么呢，怕对方挂断？那不是面子心吗？怕对方不退？那不是求名的心吗？怕对方骂人？那不是安逸心吗？是啊，我也没什么可怕的，可贵的中国人，每一个生命的得救都关系到无数的生命的得救啊，我必须得去做。
在师父的加持下，我真的劝退了，师父把有缘人带到我这里，我好象不费力气三言两语就劝退了。我得到了极大的鼓励，我每周五天坚持按时上平台拨打电话。有一天晚上，我遇到一位众生，对方表示不退，要退的话我得给他钱，因为他现在的钱是共产党给的，他是国家干部。我知道劝退的难度加大了，我要提高了，我放慢了语速，同时迅速的找到相关的讲稿，一边发正念清除邪恶干扰，一边求师父加持给我智慧，我尽力用最大的善心跟对方讲清真相，解开心结，最后他同意退党，在明白大法真相后他说：我希望法轮大法在中国永远的存在下去。我知道这个生命明白了真相得救了，心中无比感恩师父！
我悟道我领到的号码都是与我有缘的人，我都应该用心的去讲，尽量的去把他们救下来。所以之后一包电话我第一天打完，隔一两天再打一遍，每个号码等于有四次机会，一天晚上我把四次都没接通的号码再挑出来打一次，想这些号码会不会是白天不方便接的，有一个四次都没有接通的号码接通了，是个老阿姨，非常善良，她就象是等着我的电话一样，我跟她讲三退，她很快就答应了，送她九字真言，她听的很费劲，我一个字一个字教她念，告诉她法轮大法就是法轮功，并跟她讲了大法真相和天安自焚真相，她非常的认同，她还舍不得挂电话，我又跟她讲了一些真相才挂断。我庆幸自己没有错过师父给我安排的有缘人。
在培训房间坚持打了一段时间后，同修给我安排到直播室值班，我报名了三个班，协调同修跟我说了一句话：“谁修谁得”[6] ，我理解，也许一个生命的得救与否最后的结果已经在那里了，这个生命若是能得救的，那么如果不在我这里得救，也许会在其他同修讲真相中得救，但是过程中，众生的各式各样的表现，却是给我修去执着心提高心性的。“修在自己，功在师父” [1]，救人都是师父在做，我只是有救人的这个愿望，过程中修去执着提高心性，走好师父安排给我的修炼道路，不辜负师尊的苦心安排，这就是我要做的。
以上是我近三个月来的一点修炼体会，正法还没有结束，掉队的弟子要抓住这最后的所剩不多的时间，精進实修，去掉各种执着心，跟师父回家。感恩师尊慈悲看护，感恩师尊慈悲苦度，弟子唯有精進再精進，不负师恩。
以上是我有限层次的交流，如有不在法上的地方请同修慈悲指正。
感谢师父！
感谢同修！
注：
[1] 李洪志师父著作：《转法轮》
[2] 李洪志师父著作：《理性》
[3] 李洪志师父著作：《二零一八年华盛顿DC讲法》
[4] 李洪志师父著作：《洪吟》<实修>
[5] 李洪志师父著作：《洪吟》<做人>
[6] 李洪志师父著作：《为长春法轮大法辅导员讲法》
（二零二一年澳大利亚网上法会）
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A Stern Warning from Master, Disciple Wakes to Solid Cultivation
By a Falun Dafa Chinese practitioner in Australia
Greetings to revered Master and greetings to fellow practitioners!
I obtained the Fa in 2013. However, I haven’t been a good practitioner because I gave birth to kids twice, and I didn’t really understand the meaning of real cultivation until 3 months ago. I would like to share my recent experience with everyone here.
A few years ago, I was saying to other practitioners that I wouldn’t want more than 1 child because raising kids is too time-consuming. But my family and in-laws urged us to have another child, and my daughter also repeatedly asked for a younger sibling. Soon I was pregnant again, with twins this time. I didn’t have any other choice.
When the twin boys were a few months old, I often felt so exhausted that I feared I could fall over anywhere I went. Luckily, Master made sure that didn’t happen. I was on the edge of collapsing physically and mentally every day, and I blamed everything on my family. I often took out things on my daughter, husband and father-in-law. I said a lot of horrible things to them and my attachment to resentment was getting out of control. I couldn’t even study the Fa, which made the situation worse more quickly. I couldn’t see any hope in my future; all I could see was forever losing myself while looking after the kids and their education. I even thought about ending my life, but I really couldn’t do that to the 3 kids. All that made me unable to carry on my cultivation, so I started watching soap operas and YouTube videos to get some temporary relief.
Benevolent Master didn’t give up on me. He always sent practitioners to talk with me on the phone. I finally started Fa study with a practitioner, 3-4 lectures a week. Soon after that, I stopped watching soap operas, but I still watched some truth clarification videos.
1. Waking up after a Stern Warning
One day at the end of June, I was about to drive my children to childcare when I suddenly felt a wave of dizziness, followed by not knowing where my right hand was. Then I suddenly saw my right hand become a snake writhing on the floor of the car. As I sat in the driver’s seat, I couldn’t feel my left hand, my legs were out of control and my mouth was salivating. I wanted to call someone for help, but I couldn’t talk clearly. Miraculously, I managed to call my husband. By then, the two kids were crying in fear and got out of their seats (I later realised that Master must have helped them take off their seat belts). I don’t remember how I got to the front door of the house. When I sat down on the ground at the door, I tried to calm myself down and repeatedly begged Master to help me. At that moment, a fellow practitioner arrived, and I asked her to help me take my children to the childcare. She said that I shouldn’t worry about my kids that much. I felt that reminder came from Master and it was time for me to reduce the amount of sentiment I had for my kids. As soon as I sat down in the living room, I tried to say the nine-word mantra, but I couldn’t remember the words. There was just one sentence from Master in my head loud and clear, that was, “someone would have to be able to harm me in order to harm you, which means that they would have to have the power to harm this universe.” This sentence gave me incredible confidence and I could slowly repeat the nine-word mantra and send righteous thoughts. More practitioners arrived with my husband, and we studied one lecture of Fa. After that, I could move my limbs.
Master said,
“Those among Dafa disciples who are not diligent or have gone to extremes, hurry and set yourselves straight; study the Fa and cultivate yourselves sincerely because you are amid the gravest danger.” (Stay Rational)
Now I have understood that being young doesn’t guarantee me safety, not being a diligent Dafa disciple will give the old forces excuses to kill me. Therefore, being diligent is the only way to go after obtaining the Fa, and also this will not let Master down.
First and foremost, I need to let go of my attachments to my kids. They are Master’s disciples in the first place. I need to learn to educate them through my cultivation as they are here to obtain the Fa. That’s my top priority. How can I educate them well if my cultivation is not good?
Going back to Fa study was not easy for me as I couldn’t talk or read properly. It seemed like I had never studied Zhuan Falun. I made mistakes in every sentence I read. There were words that I knew but couldn’t pronounce correctly. Studying 2 lectures took all my free time during the day, but I didn’t give up. I studied the Fa with other practitioners online during the day, and I studied the Fa with my family practitioners at night. After a month, I could read the Fa like before.
2. Fa Study helped me dissolve the grudge against my father-in-law
During the last 3 months, I cultivated like a brand-new practitioner. I don’t waste time on YouTube anymore, and I spend more time reading and listening to Minghui sharing articles. I also looked within to find my attachments to complaints, especially with family members.
Because I always blamed my imperfect life on my family members for making me have more kids, the grudge was getting deeper every day, especially when it came to my father-in-law. Although things seemed fine on the surface, I felt really frustrated when he didn’t do things well enough to my standards.
Master said,
“Resentment. It comes from the habit of your liking to hear nice words and liking good things to happen to you; otherwise you become resentful. Think about it, everyone, this is not acceptable. Cultivation shouldn’t be practiced like that. I’ve always said that a cultivator should look at things in reverse. When running into bad things, you should think it’s a good thing as it’s here for the purpose of improving you. I should handle it well. This is about passing another test. It’s cultivation here now.” (Teaching the Fa in Washington DC in 2018)
After reading that, I realised that I have to look at things in reverse so that bad things would become good. I didn’t do any specific things, but my grudge against my father-in-law was slowly disappearing.
One morning, when I saw my father-in-law sitting at the dining table, I realised the grudge against him had completely disappeared. I also realised that Master put him in my life to improve my Xinxing level, and all the conflicts we had was to get rid of my human attachments. I really need to seize every opportunity to improve myself so that my father-in-law would see the beauty of practising Falun Gong. At that moment, I seriously had the vision that he might become a fellow practitioner in the future. It was impossible for me to think like that before because I used to see him as a very stubborn guy who believed all the lies from the CCP. As soon as my grudge was taken away by Dafa, I no longer complained about his minor problems. Instead, I happily helped him finish the chores he didn’t finish well. I no longer worry about him looking after the kids. He is happy to help with the childcare and shopping for groceries while I’m busy. Since I changed my attitude towards my father-in-law, the kids have been much better with him too.
3. Treating my daughter with kindness
I have always been a strict mother, and I yelled at the kids from time to time although I did sit down and talk to them afterwards. After a recent Fa study, I realised that losing my temper in front of the kids was not going to help educate them, and it was a form of demonic interference. How would a real cultivator educate their kids? I should create a warm and harmonious home environment for them. I’m still a strict mum, but I’m trying to keep my temper under control. When the kids make mistakes, I don’t criticise them, I calm down and look within. I could see my attachments to fame, competition, ego and pursuit of perfection.
One morning before my daughter’s online class, I asked her to tidy up her room. She then came downstairs to tell me that she had spilt water on her desk. I didn’t get angry at all. I told her to mind the twin boys while I went to her room to do the tidying up. When I was cleaning her room, I asked myself why this happened.
Master said:
“Examine how each and every thing measures up, achieving these is cultivation.” (“Solid Cultivation”, Hong Yin)
I suddenly realised that I didn’t put myself in my daughter’s shoes. I had never taught her how to tidy up her room; how could I expect her to know that? This is like giving her extra stress than she could handle. I have always expected my daughter to be better than her peers so that I can show her off in front of my husband and other friends. This is a filthy attachment to fame, and I want to get rid of it.
Honestly, it takes time to get rid of it, especially when I hear about other kids’ great achievements, I couldn’t help comparing my daughter with them.
Master said,
“He who is for fame resents throughout his life.” (“Being Human”, Hong Yin)
I quickly got to see that attachment to fame can result in resentment and competition. I have to eliminate it through sending more righteous thoughts; I must get rid of it.
4. Joining RTC platform to call China
I started the 8-day training session on the RTC platform. At first, I thought it shouldn’t be too hard, so I didn’t take it seriously enough. On the last day of the training, we were asked to make calls individually. I had never had any real experience, so I was absolutely petrified when speaking on the phone. I knew that my fear was also substance in other dimensions, so I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate it. Just when I was slowly feeling less nervous about making the calls to China, another practitioner said to me that, “The fear practitioners in China have is real as a result of the brutal persecution there. What do we need to be afraid of while talking to people in China on the phone? It’s not fear, it’s human attachment.” Precisely! I have nothing to be afraid of. It’s my attachment to fame. I’m afraid of losing face. Every precious Chinese life matters so much that I really have to do my very best to save them. With Master’s help, I started to make fast progress. I felt greatly encouraged so that I make calls to China every day, including my workdays. One day, there was a man saying that he wouldn’t quit the CCP membership because the CCP gives him a good job and money. I quickly found the talking scripts for this type of misunderstanding of the CCP and I explained everything to him patiently. He finally agreed to quit. After hearing the truths about Falun Gong, he said: “I hope Falun Gong stays in China forever.” I know this Chinese man has completely understood the truths and I thank Master for arranging for him to be saved!
I think every phone number I get to call has a predestined relationship with me. Therefore, I should absolutely do my best to clarify the truth to them and save them. Sometimes, when my call is rejected by the receiver, I call them again in a couple of days just to give them another chance. I call each number 4 times in total. One night, I was looking at a phone number which had nobody answer it 4 times. I decided to give it another chance and rang again. This time, an elderly lady picked up the phone and she was happy to quit the CCP very quickly. She seemed as if she had been waiting for me to ring her! I then told her important truths about Falun Gong and she couldn’t agree more with it. She was so happy to memorise the nine-word mantra that she didn’t want to hang up at the end of the conversation. Thanks to Master for getting her to finally pick up her phone and be saved.
About a month after the training, I had some new understanding about saving people on the phone. I think Master has already arranged everything, including whether someone can be saved or not. If someone is meant to be saved, then they will be saved; maybe when they talk to me on the phone, or with another practitioner. However, Master has also used their reactions to help me see my attachments so that I can get rid of them. Everything is a result of Master’s arrangements.
Master said,
“You put in the effort and Master will handle the rest.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)
What I need to do is to cultivate myself well and keep the thought of saving people in mind, so that I don’t waste any opportunities Master has arranged for me.
The above is my cultivation experience in the last 3 months. Fa rectification is not over yet, so it’s still not too late for practitioners who haven’t cultivated well. We should all make the most of the remaining time to really focus on our cultivation, eliminate human attachments so that we can all return to our original home with Master. I am forever grateful for Master’s protection and benevolence.
Thanks to my fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
(Presented at the 2021 Australia Online Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference)