Greetings Respected Master!
Greetings fellow practitioners!
I am a 16 year old Dafa disciple. Because my mother is a veteran practitioner, I understood from a young age that Dafa is good. When I attended primary school in China and the blood red flag was raised during assembly, in my heart I would silently repeat the words, “Falun Dafa is good! Zhen Shan Ren is good!”
In the past, I was quite an introverted girl with poor self esteem. Because I was not very pretty and had a short boy-like haircut, from kindergarten to sixth grade I was constantly teased and bullied by my classmates. In middle school I started to get addicted to (computer) games and anime. My personality became more irritable, unsociable and I often went to extremes with things. The friends I mingled with were of a similar type. My teachers felt helpless to help me and my mother and father were greatly pained by my poor state.
This continued until one day in 7th grade, I had a physical examination and the doctor found that I had a twisted spinal column. When I bent my back it was clearly visible that the spine was not aligned. Actually, in primary school my eyes and shoulders were also out of alignment, with one higher and one lower. Aligning a ruler from one pupil to the other it was obvious that the right one was higher and the left one was lower. At the time my teacher told my mother about this issue, but we just thought it was due to my poor posture position while doing my homework. However the issue only got worse.
After the physical exam, I returned home and told my mother about the results. My mother said that the only solution was for me to truly cultivate and I unreservedly and completely took her advice to heart. Before, it was basically just my mother who cultivated. She would occasionally ask me to join her, but I would not only ignore her request but even start an argument with her because of this. After that day, however, I gradually began to take Fa study seriously.
In 8th grade I transferred to a boarding school outside of the city. Although my mother was not by my side, I would secretly bring Dafa books and MP3 recordings of Master’s lectures to school every week and sit on my bed to study the Fa at night. Gradually, I found that I became more positive and extraverted. I even nominated myself for class captain. My best friend was the head of the student union. My spinal column and eyes also straightened out and became normal. I know that all of these positive changes were given to me by our great and merciful Master. Looking back, I actually don’t think I was cultivating very well at that time, and yet Master already brought so many positive changes to my life! I began to clarify the truth to my friends, but, unfortunately, I didn’t know how to help people quit from the communist party organisations back then, which I now regret not having done for them.
1. Beginning Genuine Cultivation
Last year in July my mother accompanied me to Sydney to study abroad. After arriving I got to know many local practitioners. One time, while attending a small group Fa study, an older practitioner suggested that I join the Celestial Marching Band. Actually, I was a bit hesitant at first. I felt very shy and socially anxious, but I didn’t want to refuse the older practitioners good wishes, so I said yes. And thus I became a drummer in the Celestial Marching Band.
To my surprise, as soon as I arrived at my first band rehearsal, looking around, I found that I really enjoyed the environment. I loved the beautiful and merciful music. I was deeply moved and told my mother, “Mum, I really want to join in as a drummer!”. Fellow practitioners looked after me well. The head of our section and our conductor also encouraged me a lot. I felt very heartened. Every day after school I would practice drumming. I used to enjoy listening to music from ordinary society, which was bad for my body and mind.
Now, every day at school and after school I listen to the Celestial Band music. When walking on the street, I feel that the people I pass by all have a kind and affable disposition. I think this is might be because of my improvement in cultivation and the enjoyment I have being in the marching band affecting others. At that time, I was also very interested in participating in Dafa parades and performances. Thanks to Master’s help, I was able to very quickly memorise all the musical scores and pass the entry exam into the marching band.
Since joining the marching band I have become a completely different person. Before, I was very unwilling to do the Dafa exercises or endure hardships. I had a strong attachment to comfort and only practiced after my mother insisted and pestered me and sometimes fought with my mother over this issue. Now, when it’s time to do the exercises I think to myself, “now I’m a member of the Celestial Marching Band. How can I not do the exercises well?! All the other members are so diligent with exercises” With this thought I then jump out of bed and do the exercises. Fa study is the same. My mum doesn’t need to pester me anymore, instead, sometimes I even proactively ask my mother to study with me. The people around me also say I have changed a lot. Some practitioners say that the first time they met me my face was dark and sickly yellow. It was as if unhappiness was written all over my face. Now, however, it’s as if even the pores of my face are smiling.
Now, I find that I talk to people with kindness, whereas before I would often swear. Mum used to call me a hedgehog with spines all over, and my dad said I walked around like someone owed me 8 million dollars. My dad is a non-practitioner who still hasn’t quit the CCP, but my prior feelings of vexation towards him have been replaced by a feeling of mercy. Now, when my father scolds me, I don’t feel upset but rather think he’s quite adorable. Seeing my Dad moved by his attachments is like seeing a little kid having a tantrum. So I feel he is quite pitiable.
I finally felt I had an understanding of what Master said in Zhuan Falun, “when compassion develops one will find all beings suffering”. Because of this, my Dad’s view of Dafa also improved a lot. In the past, dad not only forbade me from cultivating, but would even say some unpleasant things whenever mum went out to do Dafa work. Now I am going to the weekly marching band practice sessions and also practicing at home.
When I think of what Master said in Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Canada (1999) “cultivate yourself with openness and dignity”, I don’t worry about how dad will react, I just do what I should do, nobly and above board. Now, although dad doesn’t say anything directly, he already supports our practice in different ways. Afte dad went back to China, when he calls us on the phone he asks about how my drumming is going. I don’t argue with my mother anymore. Although I sometimes get angry, I remember Master’s teaching “Looking within is a magical tool” (2009 Washington DC Fa Conference), and I am able to gradually cool down and even laugh about it.
2. Letting go of my attachment to computer games and ordinary people’s software
In China when I was attending junior middle school, my parents bought me a smart phone. At the time I told them I needed it for study and drawing when in fact this was just an excuse and I used it completely for playing games, surfing the internet and chatting with friends. I would often stay up late at night until even 3 or 4am watching anime or playing games. After beginning genuine cultivation I deleted many of those gaming programs and even deliberately broke my computer and phone, but I would often fall back into bad habits and was not able to completely give up this attachment. I would even spend money to play games, completely loosing myself in the attachment. These games had a huge impact on me. I would waist a huge amount of time on them, leaving no time for me to study the Fa or do the exercises. Sometimes I would not do homework until it was very late because of this.
This continued until finally I visited the minghui website and read many articles on this attachment. I gained a lot from those sharing. I found that practitioners all got over this attachment through increasing the time spent on Fa study and exercises. So I downloaded Masters lectures to my phone. But I thought to my self, “my phone has so many ordinary apps. How can I put Master’s Fa on such a phone?”. So I very reluctantly uninstalled all the ordinary. After I did this, I suddenly felt so free and comfortable.
At that moment, I finally understand that those applications were like spirit possession tying me up. If I don’t proactively reject them, they will imperceptibly come to harm a cultivator’s body more and more. Looking back at my obsession with my smart phone, ordinary music and games, I remember how I always felt I had no energy. I would even get dizzy rising from my seat and felt I could die any moment.
It’s really just like Master says in 2010 New York Fa Conference, “People may say that it doesn’t matter what they see with their eyes, and that they can just stop looking at something if they no longer want to see it. But that’s not true. When your vision makes contact with something, that thing has entered. That’s because any thing can replicate itself in other dimensions, so the longer you look at something, the more it enters.”
Immediately after I deleted the WeiXin and QQ chat programs from my phone, I had some misgivings, worrying about how my family and friends were going to still contact me and worrying that others might think I’m a bit strange for doing this. But then I thought, “do I really want these things to prevent me from progressing in cultivation?” And with that thought, I no longer worried about my choice. I was able to let go of many attachments, such as the attachment to comparing myself with my ordinary peers, the attachments to showing off and jealousy, and I felt incomparably light and worry-free.
Because my former attachment to games was too strong, I relapsed many times. Sometimes I wouldn’t play games for several months, only to fall for the temptation once again. For example, sometimes I would tell myself, “I’ll just play for a little while, then I’ll un-install it”, or I would see my peers playing and I would want to show off to them how capable I was at the game. But these problems always occurred when I was not keeping up with Fa study and exercises. After I was able to catch up with Fa study and exercises, even the thought of playing those games wouldn’t appear in my mind.
This state continued until the last week of July this year. I had a dream in which Master was teaching me the Fa. All I remember, however, is the scene of the Fa conference. I can’t recall at all what Master was teaching, or even what Master looked like as he was teaching. I only remember one sentence that Master said regarding the end (of Fa rectification). He said, “it won’t even reach tomorrow”. After I returned home from the conference, I thought of reading Zhuan Falun and rushed into my bedroom where I keep my Dafa books, only to discover there were no Dafa books there anymore. I felt really distressed. Then I suddenly woke up.
After waking up I shared with my mother about the dream. Remembering the scene in which I couldn’t find any of the Dafa books anymore, tears ceaselessly flowed from my eyes. I enlightened that, although Dafa books are right here with us every day right now, I wasnot treasuring them. When the final day (of Fa rectification) arrives, there will be no time for regrets. I also recall that in the dream, as I was walking home from the conference I was worrying about my addiction to games and feeling down on myself, thinking, “I absolutely can’t relapse anymore!”
After I let go of my attachment to games I discovered that I had a lot more time for Fa study and doing Dafa work. While my classmates play games, gossip and talk about celebrities during lunch break and after school, I am not interfered by them. Before, I was worried that if I didn’t join them I would be a social outcast, but not only is this not the case, but I am also respected and admired by my classmates for my high standards.
Just like Master says in Zhuan Falun, “One may think, “That won’t work because I’m responsible for entertaining customers,” or “I’m responsible for making business contacts. It’s not easy to make a deal without drinking alcohol.” I would say that it is not necessarily so. Usually, in making a business deal, especially in doing business with or in dealing with foreigners, you may ask for a soda, he or she may ask for mineral water, and another person may ask for a beer. Nobody will force you to drink alcohol. You make your own choice and drink as much as you want. Particularly among intellectuals, this type of situation seldom takes place. It is usually like that.”
3. Believing in Master and the Fa, passing the test of the false impression of illness.
Last year in December, one day my stomach was suddenly in great pain and I lost my appetite. Even eating fresh greens felt like eating greasy foods and I had diarrhea. At first I thought it was just food poisoning, but the condition didn’t improve even after 3 days. I ate very little every day, and basically just drank water. Even then I would still have diarrhea.
Even mum asked with concern if I wanted to go to the hospital to see what the problem was, but I immediately and strongly refused. Although my cultivation state wasn’t so good back then and I was still in a state of cultivating on and off and didn’t know to look within, I was very clear in my mind that this was not an illness and was a false impression.
On the fourth day I woke up from the pain in my stomach, and I had a thought that was not very righteous. I thought to research on my phone to see what my condition could be. When I searched the term “”infectious diarrhea” I suddenly felt an indescribable heat in my heart and the webpage suddenly closed. I said to myself “you only have a bit of gastroenteritis!” Less than 1 minute later the pain in my stomach started to subside and I felt my appetite returning. My mum was very happy and said with a smile, “you’re all better now!”. Although I was not cultivating diligently at the time, great benevolent Master was still always caring for me!
Actually, there is still a lot more I want to say. The gratefulness I feel towards Master and the things I have come to realize during my cultivation are almost endless. I am truly very grateful for Master arranging me to join the Celestial Marching Band, bringing me to a state of genuine cultivation. Dafa is in my heart and I know what it is to have compassion in my heart. When coming across conflicts I no longer feel helpless. However I still have many attachments to let go of, for example my emotional attachment to fellow practitioners, jealousy and lust etc. I hope to expose them to the light in this sharing in hopes that I can completely let go of them in my future cultivation.
Thank you Master!
Thank you fellow practitioners!