Eliminating the evil sickness in me
I obtained the Fa in 2002 and very soon after stepped into FA rectification cultivation. I live 500 km away from Perth in WA in a little town called Denmark and so I made contact with Perth practitioners to earnestly begin Fa rectification work.
After spending 3 weeks in New York 2004 I came back with a stronger dedication and began to organise activities for each anniversary this year in Perth. I was worried that in Perth we had not kept up with FA rectification and I was spending all my time doing FA rectification work with out cultivating my self properly. In addition to the anniversaries we organised A support the defectors press conference,, we held a support the 1 million rally and finally the 9 Ping forum in July. 我在2002年得法後不久就踏上正法修煉的道路。我住在離佩斯500公里的一個叫丹馬克（Denmark）的小鎮上，迫切的希望能多做正法的工作，我和佩斯的學員取得了聯絡一起合作。去年我在紐約住了3個星期，更積極的參加正法的活動。回到西澳後更是主動地組織佩斯的許多工作。我一直擔心佩斯跟不上正法的進程，把大量的時間都投入到正法活動中，漸漸忽略了自己的個人修煉。除了一年一度的大型正法活動外，我們還組織了新聞發佈會支持陳用林等脫離中共的人士，舉辦集會紀念百萬人退黨，以及今年7月的《九評》研討會。
During this busy time I wasn’t reading with a calm mind and hardly ever doing the exercises and the evil then took advantage of my poor cultivation state. 在這忙忙碌碌中，我難以靜心學法，幾乎無暇煉功，邪惡趁機鑽了我修煉上的空子。
In July right after the 9 Ping forum this year my right upper arm started hurting badly. I ignored it until finally the right side of my torso became sore a with a lump and then my back and neck. In a matter of days in early August my body felt sick. My husband wanted me to go to the Doctors to get it checked. I said no because I knew what the Doctor would say and I was a FD practitioner and recognized this as karmic sickness or interference from the evil.
I worried that if I died then this would damage the FA and all my family and this little town I live in would not believe that Falun Gong is good anymore. What damage I would do if I did not find a way to rid this evil from me? I looked over the past few months and recognized I was going thru a lot of mind tribulations again with everyday people and some cultivators in Perth. I noticed that I could not let go of ” their notions and their evil their problems”. I had no compassion for them– I was being mean.
我擔心，如果我死掉了就會對法造成損失，我的家庭以及我居住的這個小鎮就不會再相信法輪功好。如果我不能擺脫邪惡的迫害，那將會造成什麼樣的損害？我回想了一下這幾個月，認識到自己經歷了與常人和同修之間的許多心性上的磨擦。我注意到，自己執著於”別人的常人觀念、別人的邪惡干擾和別人的問題”。我對他們沒有善心 – 我很苛刻。
The day I recognized that this was evil interference to damage the FA the illness got worse. My fear of dying and not being with Master grew each hour. I SFRT”S at least 6 times a day. I monitored my every thought, started practicing the long version exercise everyday and read sometimes 2 chapters of Zhuan Falun everyday. I worked validating the FA and clarifying the truth on the computer but I learnt to spend more time with my husband and kids as they had been complaining recently that I was bad tempered .
Yet the illness got worse. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the lump I was ashamed that I had failed in my cultivation but was determined that I was FD practitioner and I would beat this. I felt sure that I was doing everything okay and all would be fine. Yet the symptoms got worse.
Finally when I realized what really was at stake here I spoke with a practitioner from WA. While I was talking to him he directed me to search on Clearwisdom for karmic sickness and up came 5 articles. One was “Take the negative Impact of Sickness Karma seriously:.
As I was reading this article everything began to unfold and I began to see how self had emerged over the last few months and that even though I was firm in my belief in Dafa I wasn’t cultivating properly. 在我閱讀這篇文章的時候，一切都開始展現出來，我看到了在最近的幾個月中自我是如何浮現出來的。儘管我堅信大法，可是卻沒有修自己。
I realized that I hadn’t been improving my Xinxing as the tribulations came like before. I was being mean and not compassionate with everyday people, family and some practitioners. I wasn’t cultivating and I was hiding my attachments. I could find plenty of fault in others but not me “I was being diligent”.
All the signals from Master were there in hindsight and I began to see my attachments one after another. Just at that point when I began to see clearly a huge thunder boomed and lightening struck what seemed to be right above the house.
The lights went out, computer went off, and hail hit the tin roof. We all stumbled around in the dark to find candles. When I looked outside all the lights were on in other houses. I rang my husband who was out at a birthday party and he confirmed no one else had lost power although he heard the thunder and said it was like a bomb going off. He came home and tripped the switch on the electrical board and he said the lightening must have hit the house as we were the only ones to lose power. One of the children said just before the power went off an electrical spark or light has filled the lounge room. I have no doubt that as I realized my omissions in my cultivation and what the evil was trying to do it was eliminated by the power of Dafa in an instant.
I understood that night that although I was always affirming I was a Dafa practitioner I did not practise Masters way. I did not actively improve my xinxing when tribulations came up I only selectively improved them, whereas I should have eliminated all my attachment. 那天晚上，我明白了：儘管我堅信我是大法弟子，我卻沒有按照師父的要求去修煉。當磨難來的時候，我沒有主動提高心性，去掉所有的執著，而是有選擇的去執著。
I realized that I did not accept people or practitioners for who they are , always judging them on the surface not knowing their true situation. And how could I possibly know? 我意識到，我對別人和同修缺乏理解和寬容，總是根據表面判斷他們，不去瞭解真實的情況。我怎麼可能知道人家的情況呢？
Master says “One must begin by being a good person. One should always improve Xinxing, always suffer hardships and always seek to upgrade xinxing even though one cannot see ones own gong” Lecture nine Zhuan Falun”. 師父在<轉法輪>第九講中說：”從做好人做起，一味的提高自己的心性，一味的吃苦，一味的往上修，一味的要求心性的提高，卻看不到自己的功。”
I asked my self thru the night when SFRT”s why hadn’t I been practising cultivation and improving xinxing. I then realized that I hadn’t eliminated my fundamental or the initial attachment of why I had become a FG practitioner.
I had a deep underlying depression all my life of why was I here again? I disliked being here on earth amongst everyday people and saw no sense in life as we know it.
Whenever I was let down by people I felt this overwhelming depression and could never get to the bottom of it. My mother even said I lay in my cot for the first year without wanting to eat or interact with my family.
I then realized that my fundamental attachment to FD was my ticket out of here, out of the cycle of Samara. So all this time I was saving sentient beings working hard cultivating not to save sentient beings but to ensure consummation validating self to never have to return to earth again. This has been a life changing moment to me to understand this and to put Dafa and saving sentient beings first.
Today as I write this my lump has vanished, my arm no longer hurts the evil sickness has left me and I am so grateful for Master’s eternal compassion. 在寫這篇發言稿時，我的腫塊已經消失，手臂也不再疼痛，邪惡離開了我。我從心底感謝師尊的無量慈悲。
I speak today to encourage practitioners amidst tribulations to put Dafa first and speak up. To not be attached to self and to not make excuses for covering up any short comings. To let fellow practitioners see that we encounter interference because of omissions. By speaking up and sharing – this is being responsible to Dafa and to other people of the world waiting to be saved. 我今天在此發言，是想鼓勵同修：當磨難來的時候，要把大法放在首位，要把問題講出來；不要執著於自我，不要找藉口掩蓋自己的缺點；要讓同修看到我們所碰到的干擾是因為自身有漏；把問題講出來並交流，是對大法負責，對等待被救度的眾生負責。
Master has pointed this out very compassionately and clearly at the Teaching the FA at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference. I would like to read that now for us all please? 師尊在大紐約地區法會上解法時慈悲、明確的指出了這一點，我想在此讀一讀與大家共勉：
Master said “
“Why don’t you stop and think about it: Why is someone interfering with you? Why is it able to interfere with you? Is it because you have an attachment, or because you have something you can’t let go of? Why don’t you look at yourself? The true reason lies with you yourself, and that’s the only reason it can exploit your gap! Don’t you have Master watching over you? Even when an ordinary person shouts out “Falun Dafa is good” today, Master will protect him, since he’s shouted those words I can’t not protect him amidst the evil. And how much more so am I protecting you cultivators! In some isolated cases some students really did come down with an incurable disease. But think about it, so many people who had severe health problems or incurable diseases before they learned the Fa became well after learning Dafa, so why is it that some students on the other hand can’t make things work? Is it that Dafa makes distinctions among sentient beings? Is it that I, your Master, treat students differently? I really have to ask you: Are you truly cultivating? Have you truly followed Dafa’s requirements? Are you clarifying the facts with the human mindset of disagreeing with the persecution of Falun Gong, or are you validating the Fa and saving sentient beings truly from the standpoint of a Dafa disciple? Yes, the old forces have arranged for some people to get in, but why is it that most people can handle things now but you can’t? Haven’t I taught the Fa to you?!
“When problems arise, when something doesn’t feel right, you have to look at yourself! Look at where you were wrong and allowed the evil to exploit your gaps. If you were wrong you should recognize it and do better. Don’t forget, you are all Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples! You came to validate the Fa! Cultivation is hard, and the evil is more evil while you are validating Dafa. Those who can make it through are bound to be Kings of sentient beings. 師父說: “可是你為什麼不想一想，為什麼干擾你？為什麼能夠干擾得了你？是不是自己有什麼執著？放不下的？為什麼就不看看自己呢？真正原因是在自己這兒，它纔能鑽了空子！你不是有師父管嗎？就是一個常人今天喊了一句”法輪大法好”，師父就要保護他了，因為他喊了這句話，在邪惡中，我要不保護他都不行的，何況你們修煉的人呢？還有個別學員真的得了不治之癥，大家想一想，有多少學法前的重病人及得了不治之癥的人學了大法都好了，而為什麼有一些學員反而不行了呢？難道大法對眾生有分別嗎？我這個當師父的對學員不同嗎？我真的要問一問你們：你是在真修嗎？你真的按照大法的要求做了嗎？！在講清真象中是以對迫害法輪功不滿那種常人心在做，還是真正站在大法弟子的角度證實法、救度著眾生？舊勢力是安排了一些人進來，為什麼多數都能行了，而為什麼自己就不行？我的法不是講給你的嗎？！”
Kind regards Jana Shearer WA(http://www.xinguangming.org)