做协调修自己Cultivating Myself while Being a Coordinator|
做协调修自己Cultivating Myself while Being a Coordinator
Xiao Fan from Melbourne
我 是一个比较内向，不太爱说话，不太愿意做决定，也不太愿意担负责任的人。刚接手第一协调人的工作，因为非常突然，觉得有点不知所措。虽然自己很早就一直在 担任协调人的工作，但是都是配角，配合协助别人，做具体工作，没有当过第一协调人。接手之后不久我就明白师父让我转变角色的原因，师父是给了我一个能够去 我某些执着心，以及在带领本地同修救度更多众生的过程中建立以后应有威德的机会。
回 想修炼之初，我有很多事情不敢做或不会做，但是在大法中修炼，不少方面已经锻炼成熟了。记忆最深的就是当众发言。虽说我是当记者出身，采访国家领导人，总 统都没有觉得不自在，或胆怯，但是要让我在众人面前发言太难了，一直觉得张不开口，即便想说也不知说什么。一路走来，从最初同修“逼”着我讲，到自己自愿讲，从对一小部分同修讲，到公开集会上发表演讲。担任第一协调人不是所愿的，但是我的修炼所要面对的新挑战。我要在做好协调人中提高自己，让自己更加成熟，不辜负师父的期望。
师父说：“在史前历史过程中也一直在按照正法时期弟子的伟大造就着你们的一切，所以安排中当你们达到一般圆满标准时，在世间 还会有各种常人的思想与业力，目地是一边做着正法的事一边在讲清真相中为你自己的世界圆满而收集可救度的生命，圆满你们自己世界的同时也就是在消去你们最 后的业力，渐渐去掉人的思想，从人中真正走出来。”(《正法时期大法弟子》)
我 想的所谓的在理是个什么理呢，是人的理。我对你好，你就要对我好。其实除了修炼的因素外，还有业力和因缘关系在里面。静心学法后自己悟到我们修炼的路都是 师父安排的，都是有序的。在我修炼中出现这样的事，都是师父为了我的提高而设的。师父是要我从人中走出来，而我却在矛盾出现时在向外推矛盾，想去修别人。 认识提高之后，从表面上看，问题解决了。我也在大组学法时做了交流。可是自己的心里总是隐隐约约觉得还有东西在，其实是心里的疙瘩还没有完全去掉。就在这 时有人就来告诉我，你向内找了，别人可在外面说了，这事都是小樊的错，他自己都已经认错了。听到这样话之后，心里又愤愤不平起来。
另 外，我还发现出现这种不平之心是要给我扩大心的容量的。在与一位协调人交流时她曾对我说，作为一个协调人应该有海纳百川的容量。听到之后我就想，是啊，我 怎能为一点小事就愤愤不平呢。之后，我在多次场合反思自己。在明法理，去执着之后，现在我已经彻底放下了那颗愤愤不平的心，放下了自我，真正地从内心提高 了上来。
我 在整个向内找的过程当中多次想到了师父用那种洪大的慈悲对待我们和众生。每次想到这儿时我的眼睛就会充满泪水。我修炼了这么多年了，还不能用慈悲去对待每 一个同修，包括与自己有不同意见的同修呢？我悟道，修炼就是修自己。要想改变别人是不可能的，唯一能改变的只有自己。任何时候我都要把眼睛盯着自己的一思 一念，不好的东西一冒头就要灭掉它，不能让它有滋生的环境。
由 于自身没修好，影响到我们地区救度众生的项目。二零一四年的神韵推广没有达到我们预期的结果，在高档票的销售方面没有突破，造成很多该救的众生没有得救。 当时，因为我这儿出了问题，整体就受到了影响。学员里也出现指责和埋怨的情绪，对那些不出来参与神韵推广的有怨气。另外就是学员中出现了间隔，东西方的学 员就神韵推广方式相互指责。西方学员认为华人学员做事不专业，那些省钱的推广方法会损坏神韵的品牌。华人学员则认为西方学员就会大手大脚地花钱，钱花了这 么多，票也没有卖出去。其实花钱的推广，以及不花钱的推广都会起作用的。但是真是因为这种内耗把华人学员和西方学员各自做出的努力都抵消了。
自己修上来了，整个环境就改变了。原先我认为不配合，不合作的开始主动配合，主动合作了。东西方学员之间的相互埋怨也减少了很多。二零一五年的神韵售票就有了突破，五场演出的高价位票基本全部卖掉了，总的上座率超过86%。从两年的神韵推广结果来看，一个主要协调人自身 修炼的好坏确实对当地会产生影响。这一结果也证实，所谓的不配合，不合作本来都是不实的，是给我修炼而出现的假象。出现这样的问题时，就要看我的心是怎样 摆放的。如果我当时把它看成是假象，那么可能这种不配合，不合作就烟消云散了。正因为我的埋怨与指责把这种假象坐实了，结果是激化了矛盾，造成了隔阂。我 悟道，只有向内找，修好自己，才能化解矛盾。
师父说：“你们知道吗？只要你是一个修炼的人，无论在任何环境、任何情况下，所遇到的任何麻烦和不高兴的事，甚至于为了大法 的工作，不管你们认为再好的事、再神圣的事，我都会利用来去你们的执著心，暴露你们的魔性，去掉它。因为你们的提高才是第一重要的。真能这样提高上来，你 们在纯净心态下所做的事才是最好的事，才是最神圣的。”（《精进要旨》-“再认识”）
实 际上他们真是在暴露我的执著心，暴露我自己察觉不到，隐藏很深的那些个不好的心。有时候觉得，有些人冷言冷语，说话那个样儿，那个調儿就是在成心跟我捣 乱。可是每次只要我静下来的时候，我就会有不同的感悟。我会觉得别人讲得很在理，确实是我自己工作没有做好，或者他们确实是为我好，才说了那些话的。
我 还记得去年在堪培拉开法会的时候，星期六的大组交流完后已经挺晚了，出来后原本说好的有车来接我们去旅馆，可是车没来。偏偏就在这时有人告诉我，那些年轻 的都没来参加交流，早早地都回了旅馆，就剩这些老年同修了。你定的房间已经有人住上了，没有你的床位了。由于自己修得很不好，当时没有达到师父说的呵呵一 乐的状态，而是人心一下子就上来了。开始抱怨这，抱怨那，完全不像一个修炼人，就更不要说协调人了。
当 时有位学员冲着我说了一句，你怎么不找找你自己。我们是头天晚上从墨尔本坐车到堪培拉的，一晚上没睡觉，下了车就开始了一天安排的满满当当的活动，晚上再 参加交流，不少老年同修确实都很累了。作为一个协调人，车没有来本身就是我的问题。我自己没有把事情做到位，让那些老年同修受累了，怎么还能叨叨来叨叨去 责怪其他学员，把责任向外推呢？听到一声棒喝，还没有醒悟，不但没有谢谢那位指出我不足的学员，反而反过头来说，你怎么不向内找？虽然话一出口，我马上知 道错了，但是嘴上并没认错。事后，多次想过这个问题。从这件事上让我看到自己的修炼与师父的要求的差距有多远了。
自 从担任第一协调人之后，自己就在协调工作中出现的一波又一波的矛盾中修自己，逐步完善着做一名协调人的能力。修炼还没有结束，旧的矛盾解决了，新的矛盾还 会出现。我要在今后的协调工作中不断地修去暴露出来的人的东西，从人中走出来，在修好自己的同时，与我们本地的同修一起救度更多的众生，圆满随师还。
Cultivating Myself while Being a Coordinator
Xiao Fan from Melbourne
Master said: “My Dafa disciples, try to really take a sober look back at the path you traveled these years. While many things may have seemed to have no rhyme or reason, all, in fact, had an order about them.” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference)
I obtained the Fa in 1995. Looking back at the path I had taken I strongly feel that everything that happened to me is an orderly arrangement. Going to university, being assigned to work for China Radio International, going to Canada to study English in 1976, coming to Australia in 1988, my parents in law coming to Melbourne to teach me Falun Dafa in 1995, all had the same purpose of paving the way for my gaining the Fa, spreading the Fa, cultivating and saving sentient beings here in Australia.
In the first 10 years after gaining the Fa I read at least one lecture of Zhuan Falun, plus some new articles, and did the five sets of exercises, every day. This laid down a solid foundation for my cultivation in the coming years.
Since gaining the Fa, although I have experienced some tribulations, my cultivation has been fairly smooth without big ups and downs. I did not have any spectacular miracles happen to me either. In the course of my cultivation I studied Fa, did exercises, spread the Fa in the early days and clarified the truth when I could. All proceeded in accordance with the progress of the Fa rectification. However, in August, 2012 when a sudden announcement made me the main coordinator of our area, ripples appeared that broke the smooth surface of my cultivation environment. Though maybe not exactly huge waves, these disturbing ripples appeared one after the other. Today I would like to report to Master and fellow practitioners some of the experiences I have had in this short period of time. Please comment on anything that is not proper.
I am an introverted, not very talkative kind of person. I don’t like to make decisions and don’t want to take responsibilities. When I first took over the position I felt it was all a bit too sudden so I felt a bit uneasy. Though I had been a coordinator from the very early days, I had always played a supporting role, assisting others, but had never been a main coordinator. Not long after taking over the job I understood the reason for the position change. I know Master gave provided an opportunity for me to let go some of my attachments and establish my mighty virtue in the process of helping the local practitioners to save more sentient beings.
Recalling the early days of my cultivation, I had a lot of things that I dared not do or didn’t know how to do. I became a lot more mature in some areas during my cultivation in Dafa. What I remember the most is my dislike of speaking in front of people. Though my job was a reporter and I didn’t feel uncomfortable or have any fear when interviewing a president or a head of state, I found it was almost impossible for me to speak in front of people. Even if I wanted to speak, it always seemed that I could not find the words. Looking back, things have changed a great deal for me. I experienced a process from being pressed to speak, to speaking of my own accord, to speaking to a group of practitioners at a public rally. To take on the position as a main coordinator was far from being my ambition. However, I know in my cultivation I need to face new challenges. I will try to improve myself in doing a good job of being a coordinator, so that I can become more mature and live up to Master’s expectations.
To be a coordinator I must cultivate myself well
The first challenge I was facing was that I found someone not cooperating so I felt a bit aggrieved.
Master said, “In order for you to improve, your heart has to be provoked when problems arise; otherwise it won‘t do. Working for Dafa is also a good opportunity for you to improve your xinxing!” (A Person in Charge is Also a Cultivator, ESSENTIALS FOR FURTHER ADVANCEMENT -)
At the time, practitioners came to me saying; “how can he treat you like that, how much help you gave him in the past, he is not like a practitioner”, etc. etc. These words strengthened my feeling of being aggrieved. The more I thought about it the more I thought I was in the right. I totally forgot it was all meant for my cultivation and I totally forgot what Master said that looking within is a magical tool.
Master said, “Over the course of prehistory, everything of yours was being created, all along, according to how magnificent the disciples would be in the Fa-rectification period. So, it was arranged that when you reach the standard for ordinary Consummation, you still have, in the human world, all kinds of ordinary human thoughts and karma. The purpose is so that while doing Fa-rectification things you bring in, through your clarifying the truth and for the consummation of your paradises, beings that can be saved. As you consummate your own paradises you are, at the same time, eliminating your last karma, gradually getting rid of your human thoughts, and truly stepping forward from humanness.” (Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples, Essentials for Further Advancement II)
What I felt was a kind of human reasoning which is “if I treat you well, you must treat me well too”. As a matter of fact, besides the cultivation factors there are karma and predestined relationships to consider. After studying the Fa with a calm mind I enlightened that what happened was actually designed by Master for the very purpose of my improvement in cultivation. Master wants me to step forward from humanness. However, I acted just the opposite by looking outward and intending to ask other people to cultivate better. After I had a better understanding of the matter, on the surface it seemed that the problem had been solved. I shared about it at our big group Fa study. However, I could still faintly feel something negative in my heart. Actually the substance I thought I had let go was still there. At that moment someone told me: “You looked within but the other party spread words saying that Fan was in the wrong.” On hearing comments like that the feeling of being aggrieved came back again.
Master said, “As you didn’t let go of your attachments or improve yourselves, the problem will recur again next time.” (A Person in Charge is Also a Cultivator, Essentials for Further Advancement) Master said in Lecture at the First Conference in North America,
“If your own thinking doesn’t change, you cannot advance even one step and are deceiving yourself. Only when you truly improve from within can you make real progress. So be sure to remember this: Whenever you come across anything such as troubles, unpleasant things, or friction with others, you need to examine yourself and search within. You will find the cause of that insurmountable problem.”
When I first looked within I only got rid of things superficially, deep in my heart I still cling to my own vital interest. The reason I felt others were not cooperating was because I looked at the things from the perspective of myself. I failed to see the things from other person’s perspective. The sentiment: “I am in the right” is actually a human attachment of selfishness.
Master said: “I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others—or even future generations—along with Dafa’s eternal stability.” (Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature, Essentials for Further Advancement)
On the other hand, I also enlightened that things like that happened for me to increase my tolerance level. When sharing with a coordinator she said to me; “as a coordinator you must have the capacity like the sea which can hold the water from thousands of rivers”. I thought to myself: “that’s right. How can I lose my tolerance for such a small matter?” Thereafter, I thought it over many times. After I enlightened from the perspective of the Fa I let go of my attachments. Now I can feel peace of mind, can truly let go of self and truly progress in my inner heart. During this process of looking within I thought of Master’s tremendous compassion toward us and all sentient beings. Every time I thought of that I would be in tears. I asked myself, after having been cultivating for that many years, how could I still not treat every practitioner, including those who had different opinions, with compassion? I enlightened that cultivation is to cultivate myself. It is impossible to change others since the only thing I can change is myself. I need to watch every thought of mine and eliminate a bad thought whenever it emerges and provide no energy for it.
Because I failed to do a good job in my cultivation it affected the projects that help to save the sentient beings. The 2014 Shen Yun campaign did not reach our expectations with a lot of premium seats being empty. It meant that many sentient beings that were meant to be saved were not saved. At the time, because I had this xinxing problem, one bodily function was affected. Some practitioners complained and pointed fingers at those who failed to step forward to join the promotion of Shen Yun. There also appeared to be a separation between the Chinese and Western practitioners. The Western practitioners held that the Chinese practitioners were not professional in doing the promotion and the free methods of promotion would simply damage the brand of Shen Yun. Whereas the Chinese practitioners would say the Western practitioners are good at spending money but with that much money spent not that many tickets were sold. As a matter of fact paid and unpaid campaigns all played a role. The less than ideal result was the consequence of Western and Chinese practitioners counteracting the effectiveness of each other’s efforts.
As my own cultivation progressed the one body environment also improved. Those I thought had been uncooperative became cooperative of their own accord. The complaints between the Western and the Chinese practitioners reduced. As a result there was a breakthrough in our ticket sales in 2015. We sold almost every single premium seat and the average ticket numbers sold for the five shows reached 86%. From the results of the Shen Yun promotion in the last two years I can see the impact the main coordinator’s cultivation status would have. This result also showed that the lack of cooperation that I had thought about might not be real, but rather an illusion. However, because of my cultivation status being not that solid I made it real. If I thought it was just an illusion it might have disappeared very quickly and would not produce any bad effect to the one body. I enlightened to the fact that by looking within and cultivating myself well the conflicts would disappear instantly.
Master said: “The Consummation of Fa-rectification Period Dafa Disciples is Dafa creating the Great Enlightened Beings of the new cosmos, so this makes your responsibilities that much greater. As you progress in cultivation, your mission of saving beings and dissolving the evil and the old factors’ interference will naturally converge with your cultivation. Only when you cultivate yourself well can you establish everything of the future.” (To the Ukraine Fa Conference, THE ESSENTIALS OF DILIGENT PROGRESS VOL. III)
To me this is a lesson. As a coordinator I must cultivate myself well, otherwise I will affect the progress of the one body. I should not look for trouble, but simply try to improve in my cultivation.
2. It is not making trouble for me but helping me to improve
As a coordinator I often found that some practitioners were not talking or acting the way I wanted. Sometimes they would even say something that I really would not like to hear. At the surface level it seemed that they purposely made trouble for me and tried to make me look bad.
Master said: “Do you realize that as long as you’re a cultivator, in any environment or under any circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across - even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are - to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what’s most important.…..If you are able to succeed in improving yourself this way, what you do then, with a pure heart, will be the best and most sacred. ” (Further Understanding, ESSENTIALS FOR FURTHER ADVANCEMENT)
As a matter of fact, they are actually helping me to expose my attachments. Those are the attachments that I fail to notice or are deeply hidden in my heart. Sometimes, I felt that their sarcastic comments, the way they talked and the way they looked were meant to make trouble for me. However, every time when I calmed down I would have a different understanding on the issue. I would say that what they said was very reasonable and it was true that I failed to do a good job. What they said was truly for my own good.
I still remember, the Saturday night before the Canberra Fa Conference last year, there was a big group sharing. When it finished it was already very late. However, the bus that was arranged to collect us did not show up. Just then someone told me that the majority of younger practitioners all went back to their hotel early and some did not even bother to come to the sharing. Now the hotel was overbooked and even the bed I had paid for was taken. Instead of smiling when confronted with a situation like that, as Master has talked about in his Fa, I became very much irritated. I started to complain about this and that. I failed to act like a practitioner, let alone a coordinator.
At that moment, one practitioner yelled at me, “Why don’t you look within?” We had travelled to Canberra on Friday night and did not have any sleep. Upon our arrival we had a busy day. It was like one activity after another, plus the sharing in the evening. A lot of elderly practitioners were really tired. As a coordinator, the bus not showing up was clearly my responsibility and meant that I did not do a proper job with the arrangements in the first place. As a result, it made these elderly practitioners suffer. At a time like that, how could I complain to other practitioners and shirk the responsibility to other people? However, that “stick warning” did not make me sober minded. Instead of thanking the practitioner who pointed out my shortcomings I turned around and shouted back. “Why don’t you look within?” I knew I was wrong as soon as I said those words, but I did not apologize. I thought about it a few times later on and realized how big the gap was between my cultivation status and Master’s requirements.
My experience from this period of time made me gradually enlighten to the fact that all these practitioners who appeared to want to make trouble for me were actually helping me to improve my cultivation. Therefore I truly need to thank these practitioners. When I enlightened to it I became light hearted and will not think about others making trouble for me any more when I come across such situations again. On the contrary I should look within to find out where I am lacking.
Since I became the main coordinator I have been making progress in my cultivation in dealing with all the problems one after the other, and gradually improved my coordinating skills as well. Since the cultivation still continues, as the old problems are solved, new ones will emerge. I will continue to let go of the bad substance exposed during the process of being a coordinator and step forward from humanness. I am determined to save more sentient beings, together with our local practitioners, while cultivating myself well, and ultimately return home with Master.
I’d like to end today’s sharing with Master’s poem Tempering the Will from Hong Yin
To consummate yourself, reaping Buddhahood,
Let joy be found in hardship.
Physical pains count little as suffering,
Indeed, cultivating mind is hardest.
Each and every barrier must be broken through,
And everywhere does evil lurk.
Abundant troubles rain down together,
All to see: Can you pull through?
The world’s miseries endured,
One departs the earth a Buddha.
Thank you Master!
Thank you fellow practitioners!