去除争斗心无条件向内找 Abandon Competitive Mentality, Unconditionally Look Within|
去除争斗心无条件向内找 Abandon Competitive Mentality, Unconditionally Look Within
PM08: GP Deng – Sydney
Greetings Master, greetings fellow practitioners!
I have been practising Falun Dafa for many years, but still have strong human notions in many ways, which make me feel ashamed. I attended the US Fahui last year, and met a fellow practitioner who I knew prior to 1999 in China, and who had left China over ten years ago. She saw my wife and I having an argument, and then bluntly said to me: “I was moved by your good side, of always looking inwards in the first place, so I stepped into Dafa practice. But if then you were like your conditions now, I would not practise Dafa.”
I kept quiet, but was somewhat unconvinced. I recollected her words, what is wrong with me, what made her to look at me this way? Have I been doing very poorly in looking within?
I recalled when I was detained in a labour camp in China, my competitive mentality came out. In that environment, the evil substance was continuously instilled into my mind, as well as pressed into my thoughts in other dimensions. In order to explain the truth to the police and supervising prisoners, I had to agree to watch the evil propaganda, and every time I felt being contaminated. Then I realized, the evil did not really listen to my reasoning, it was one of their persecution means, and I fell into the evil trap when I followed their way. So I rejected all evil propaganda and unreasonable brainwashing, and tried to resist and repel. Although I withstood rationally, my competitive mentality emerged. I did not discard it well in ordinary society after I came out of the labour camp.
The mainland Chinese are affected by the CCP culture, hence became unsatisfied with each other, and used to fight with others. It was particularly severe during Jiang’s ruling period. I felt sorry for the ordinary people, and thought I was doing well. Even before I became a practitioner, I realized that we should be simple and sincere like Westerners. So I never thought I had CCP culture.
After I came out of China, I had contact with Western and Taiwanese practitioners, and experienced their peaceful mindset. I could see my shortcomings and problems in behaviour and mindset. I had to admit: I do have the CCP culture. For example, when I felt others were wrong or not aligned with my ideas, I accused them with heavy tone; when others pointed out my problem that I did not recognize, I could not calm down to check inwards, and immediately rejected what was said.
I occasionally had conflicts with fellow practitioners in the project team. I would reflect on myself, and strive to improve. I felt I was changing, but when I came across bigger conflicts, I could not handle them well.
I joined the reporter team of the Epoch Times in June 2013. It was very smooth in the beginning. I felt I did well, however conflicts occurred in recent months. Just like Master said in “Upgrading Xinxing” in Lecture Four of Zhuan Falun:
“Why are there suddenly so many problems? Everything goes wrong. People mistreat him, and his boss also does not favour him. Even the situation at home becomes very tense. Why are there so many problems all of a sudden?”
The coordinator had opinions about me and was dissatisfied with my articles. I began to argue with her on the phone. Later on, I found she was also no longer nice to me, her face was serious, she said nothing, but I felt she was saying: you are not doing well, very poor performance, I am dissatisfied. Then my wife told me: others said you had unrealistic expectations that could not be put it into practice. I was very uncomfortable upon hearing that.
I looked inwards, and found some of my problems, but I was unable to control my mind of blaming others: You should not treat me this way even if I was wrong. Then I said to myself, I should focus on looking for my problems, not others. But after a while I began to blame others again: if you spoke to me like this, there would be no problem.
The coordinator used to call me from time to time and say, ‘can you do this interview?’ I felt I made some contribution to the Epoch Times. However during the xinxing test this time, I received no call for several weeks. Nobody rang me to discuss anything about the Epoch Times. I thought - there are full time reporters, I am only part-time with limited English, I am unable to handle certain interview, so I am not so in demand as before. I had a feeling of being abandoned and I could not come out of the contradictions. I wondered if it was the time for me to leave the Epoch Times. Yeah, I might be the next person to leave. I did not like that feeling.
Do I just leave the Epoch Times like this? I thought it over calmly. The Epoch Times does not have a surplus of reporters, and is very short of reporters. I did not grasp the opportunities, or take the initiative to look for opportunities. How can I leave at my will? The coordinator did not tell me to leave. I thought about it deeply. I did not realize my fundamental problems in cultivation. What is my problem that made others to treat me this way? I should not search for answers among right and wrong on the surface. Nothing is accidental in cultivation. I decided to improve my enlightenment, and not let this opportunity slip away.
I had just watched Master’s Lecture to Australian Dafa Practitioners, and some words from Master imprinted in my mind quite strongly. I said to myself, I have to stop looking at others, but only look at myself as Master told me. I could feel Master’s voice and facial expression. I repeated the Fa again and again, and gradually felt my mind was more clear, with sufficient righteous thoughts. I then again checked myself.
When I checked within previously, it was conditional. I admitted my mistake while blaming others: you are wrong in the dealing with this, you do not let go of my shortcomings, etc. I found all I did was conditional. I wanted others to comply with my idea when pointing out my mistake and wanted to feel comfortable when I was criticised. These were prerequisites for my ‘looking inward’. Master told us to unconditionally look inward. I understood when I read it, but forgot it when my human notions were touched and tested.
From this conflict, I realized that I was too proud, could not bear other’s judgement, and was very unhappy when others talked about me. I thought I had an open and broad mind. Why couldn’t they speak to me face to face? I was holding onto this mentality for a long time, and a gap emerged between practitioners who had opinions about me. I maintained the politeness on the surface, but virtually had a kind of self-protection awareness, and did not want to talk to people who I dislike. In fact, feeling too proud and the competitive mentality are connected. I found they are to protect oneself from harm and are human notions that must be discarded.
When I watched the video on stories of New York Shen Yun young disciples in May 2013, I was most impressed by how well they get along. Everyone is equal and treated the same way and they paid high attention on not forming small groups. I felt the field was so compassionate, that it could melt human notions. It made me have a deeper understanding of Master’s words in Zhuan Falun: “We must be good to our parents and children and be considerate of others in all respects. Such a heart is thus unselfish, and it is a heart of kindness and benevolence.” (from “Demonic Interference From One’s Own Mind”, Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun). I had kept away from practitioners who had opinions on me - wasn’t this selfishness of self-protection?
I asked myself, when can I be good to everyone? In the current critical period of saving sentient beings, it is so dangerous to have the gap to other practitioners, but maintain the politeness on the surface. Although I spend nearly all my spare time to participate in Dafa projects, I thought I made a good contribution. But the old forces would use my attachments to create gaps among practitioners’ one body, and cause loss to the salvation of sentient beings. I am here to promise Master: I will surely broaden my heart and mind, be compassionate to all people, be humble and appreciate other’s strengths, and break up all my hidden gaps to practitioners.
The modesty of the ancient people is opposite to the CCP’s struggle. Ancient Chinese paid high importance on the virtues of modesty, people bowed to each other to show respect; when they received compliments, they would answer: I am doing very poorly, I must keep learning and improving. However these have become obsolete and even tedious hypocritical etiquette under the CCP propaganda education. I also think the ancient modesty is outdated, under the western cultural influence of emphasizing independent personality. Though times have changed, external etiquette of the ancients can no longer be used. However the traditional Chinese culture has rich connotations. The etiquette itself contains profound culture. We can’t follow the external form of bowing, but we must understand the importance of modesty. That is not just a courtesy, but a respect to each other from the heart. When others point out my deficiencies, I should be grateful and thankful regardless of whether he/she is right or wrong. Even if I am innocent, I can’t have any dissatisfaction, but thank others for reminding me again, so I won’t make the same mistake.
After I had these thoughts, I felt open-minded and exhilarated as my negative thoughts of leaving the reporter team also vanished. Then I opened my mailbox, there was an email about an interview opportunity. I attended and sent my report to the newsgroup email.
I rang the coordinator several days later, I said: you were right to criticize me, thank you, and please tell me if there is any problem in the future. She was very happy, told me that I did a good interview, and she was happy to spend time on polishing my article. The article was published at the weekend edition after her careful polish. I think Master gave me such a good interview opportunity after I had a small breakthrough in my cultivation. If I could not pass the test and get out of my mindset, I wouldn’t have been able to continue the reporting task and get rid of the gaps towards fellow practitioners, who might also have blamed me and felt anger towards me. The results are totally the opposite.
I would like to thank merciful Master for caring for me at all times, and for arranging the conflicts for me to improve. I am grateful to practitioners who made suggestions to me, and I apologize to those who were hurt by me. I will surely change for the better and be a good practitioner, cooperate well with others, get rid of the old forces blockage, and complete our vows in saving people.
These are some of my cultivation experiences, please point out if there is any inadequacies.
Thank you Master, thank you fellow practitioners!
相關文章实修自己与救度众生 Genuine Practice will save Save Sentient Beings在景点讲真相的点点滴滴 Clarifying the Facts in Fitzroy GardensLearning to let go of a human mindset and catching up with Fa Rectification cultivation 放弃常人心 跟上正法進程姐妹倆的修煉點滴 Two sisters share their cultivation experiences修去消极情绪 圆容整体环境 Eliminate negative thoughts and cooperate with the local cultivation group坚守唐人街十年讲真相 Persisting in Truth-Clarification at Chinatown over the Past Ten YearsP12: 正念正行排除干擾 在珀斯成功推廣神韻Eliminate Interference Through Righteous Thoughts and Actions Successfully Pr万古机缘只此一次 彼此珍惜走好最好一程 In this “Once Only Opportunity”, let’s cherish each other in the last leg of our珍惜自由修炼环境 抓紧讲真相救人Seize the Time to Clarify the Facts师父领我走上修炼路 Master Leads Me into Cultivation修好自己盡本份cultivate myself well to fulfill my role手动广播平台讲真相 Making Phone Calls to China在内陆小镇阿尔布里（Albury）弘扬大法 Promoting Dafa In Outback Town Albury师父帮我去执著 Master Helped Me To Eliminate My AttachmentsCultivating while coordinating the Epoch Times在印度弘扬大法的感悟 Reflection on the Journey to Spread Dafa in India慈悲救人 兑现誓约 Saving people with compassion to honor my vow用心讲真相 大法威力处处显
Use heart to clarify the truth, the power of Dafa shows everywhere