Eliminating the mentality of resentment, Dafa will compassionately resolve negative predestined relationship
Greetings Venerable Master, Greetings fellow practitioners!
I have been in
The topic of my sharing is cultivating away the attachment of resentment. This attachment has been with me for a long time. In this life, even though I come from a religious family, under the totalitarian rule of the Communist government, my family environment was very bad. My father from an early age learnt painting and martial arts, and in his later years studied Buddhism, but he was unable to let go of his bad temperament. I have early memories of my parents arguing. I have a clear memory of myself at the age of four or five, on a cloudy day, mother holding my hand and going out for a walk with me. The reason was because father had knocked over the dining table after complaining that my mother’s soup was not good enough for him. Because I was the second daughter in the family, my father wanted to give me away, but he was only stopped by a friend who persuaded him to keep me. When I was 6 years old, my parents separated, so in my mind my childhood years was cold and grey, full of sadness and unrest. Having faced all these tragedies at an early age, I blamed everything on my father, and I felt a deep sense of resentment in my heart. From my high school years, I became frail and irritable, and I remember writing in my diary: I am God’s daughter, because of mistakes that I committed, I was sent to earth to suffer. That being the case, I wish I can endure all the hardships in this life so that I can pay off all debts, and return to my home in heaven and no longer have to go through the cycle of reincarnation.
10 years after my parents divorce, because of his pursuit of wealth, my father was cheated and his worldly were auctioned off. At that time, my resentment of my father turned into hatred, and I felt hurt mentally and physically.
In my fourth year of university I read Zhuan Falun. When Master said in Zhuan Falun “If I cannot save you, nobody else can”. I felt a sudden self of relief. I knew for sure that this time I could really go home. I no longer felt lost and lonely. However, this resentment that I had since childhood has become the roadblocks to my cultivation, and become an excuse that the old forces have tried to use to destroy me.
In 2007, I migrated to
After we arrived in
At one stage my husband behaved like he was the spokesman for the old
forces. I knew that it was not him that was speaking. He behaved like he had
lost all rationality as he cursed Master and cursed Dafa.
He would post messages slandering Dafa on the walls
and twice he tore up Dafa books in a rage. What I
experienced with him was strikingly similar to what I had experienced in the labour camps in
I lost count of the amount of times I thought of divorcing him, but I knew that I had been unworthy of Master before, so I could not give up again and lose this final chance that had been given to me. Once in a dream, I saw a person point to me and tell someone else that my name was “Duan yu” (which means “severing desires”). I woke up and understood that it was compassionate Master giving me a hint. Yes it’s true, all the discontent that I felt was because I felt that my desires not been satisfied in the human world. I had already taken a self-destructive detour in my cultivation, and it was only because of Master’s grace that I was able to return to Dafa, yet I still refused to cultivate well, and failed one test after another, and brought the disaster on to myself. It was all self-inflicted.
I thought to myself – such a great Fa. It was like a steel furnace melting wood scraps. I just don’t believe that I can’t pass this test! Old forces, don’t think you will succeed, I will definitely rectify this situation, I will be responsible to my own sentient beings. This thought was as rock solid as gold.
However when you are in the midst of hardship, the human side often feels
discouraged, emotional and worthless. I lacked confidence and faith in myself
and felt that my righteous thoughts was lacking. Once at a group Fa study, a fellow practitioner told me that another
practitioner with the tianmu open could see that as I
was reading the Fa, each time I read one word, a
circle would pop out and inside the circle appeared layers and layers of Buddhas,
I realized that my fundamental attachment was the pursuit of a better life, because I felt there were so many shortcomings in my life. All these attachments can ruin a cultivator’s resolve! There is desire, jealousy, competitive mentality, and even the mentality of retaliation. This attachment combined with the mentality resentment is the reason why I could not free myself from these tribulations.
In June 2010, I moved to
Not long after arriving in
Finally one day I come home from work and he told me that the window screens were growing some flowers. They were the Udumbara flowers that I had told him about many times before but he never believed me. He said he had taken out the window screens and taken photographs, and looked at the flowers through a magnifying glass. He refused to admit that this was the magic Udumbara flowers. He told me a few days later that he had looked it up in the encyclopedia and that the encyclopedia said it was some kind of bug. I took no notice of him. After a few more days he told me that he had looked at the flowers under the magnifying glass and could actually see the petals. I smiled and cried with joy.
After a while, when I felt that the time was right, I said to him firmly that he had to hand over the bloody red flag on that desk to me. When I opened my mouth to say these words, I felt a surge of warm energy run through my body. I knew that Master was strengthening me and encouraging me. He laughed when I asked him and said that he was just using it as decoration, “if you want to you can have it. You want to burn it right? I won’t hang the Australian flag here then, I’ll pack it up”. Master is so compassionate!
My husband supported my efforts to promote 2012 Shen Yun. A few times I was so busy that I would leave home early and get home late, or I would return home, quickly eat something and leave again. Since I worked on the newspaper, I was busy in the evenings, even if I was not at home, I would be in front of the computer. We would go for a week without barely a few words to each other. I wouldn’t have time to do any house work and or worry about anything that happened at home. He would complain at times, but it would pass. Actually this was directly related to my xinxing. In the past, I tried to think of how to stop him from interfering with my Dafa work, and I felt that since he didn’t work, he should at least do all the housework. I was attached to that thought and this meant that we would have constant arguments at home over this. I often would go out doing Dafa work with my mind full of these thoughts. Gradually I learnt to let go of these thoughts and would contribute to housework where I could. When I was busy, he would automatically look after housework and without me having to say a word.
In the past I felt unbalanced in my heart, and when asked him why he had unreasonable expectations on me, he replied, you have a faith, so you should behave in such and such a way. I always felt that was the old forces way of using him to persuade me to give up cultivation. After I unconsciously cultivated away this heart of resentment, he said to me once, I won’t keep score over things that occurred in the past, actually you are all still human so of course you will not be perfect.
Now even though my husband does not believe in Dafa, and even though he still persists in his stubborn notions, and even though he is sometimes annoyed when I am really busy with Dafa work, and says that I am busy “having fun outside” instead of looking after the home, he is on the whole quite supportive of the Dafa work I do. He will even comfort me when I feel overwhelmed. There is a huge difference between my home environment now and my home environment many years ago – this is the Fa’s mighty virtue! This is Master, compassionate great Master who has persistently looked after me, and enabled me to compassionately resolve a negative predestined relationship, and enabled me to cultivate and rectify myself on the path to Godhood.
I often recall Master’s words in “Teaching the Fa at the Conference in
“So no matter what your job is or what you do, as long as you see me, I'll have you develop good (shan) thoughts, and as long as you see me I'll reduce your sins and your karma amidst your good thoughts. (Applause) In fact, everyone in the world has a knowing side, they're aware”.
I feel that Master is not saying this to boast about himself, he is explaining the Fa principles to us. So I should purify myself, and in process of cultivating myself, use the power of compassion that I have cultivated to touch the people around me, so that the sentient beings that we come across will be saved by the Fa, and we will not let down their hopes.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!