Treasure the last chance and fulfill destiny
Huang Lifang – Canberra
Respected Master, fellow practitioners.
I obtained the Fa prior to July 20 and can be considered a veteran practitioner. However, due to my attachment to fear, I have not done well all these years. But Master did not give up on me and continued to enlighten me and encourage me for over 10 years. I fully felt Master’s venerable compassion. I have a chance today to report to Master and my fellow practitioners my cultivation experiences over all these years. Please point out anything inappropriate.
1. Coming out of the shadow of fear and walking my own path of Fa-rectification
2000 年1月和3月，我连续两次被抓进拘留所和洗脑班，邪恶使用阴险和残暴的手段对大法弟子灌输谎言，由于怕心严重，学法不扎实，在没有理智的情况下我顺从了邪 恶，写了“三书”，给自己的修炼留下了污点。出来后，很长一段时间，由于强大的怕心驱使，我把自己封闭起来，不敢和其他的学员接触，唯恐暴露了自己，而再 被迫害，也因此失去了修炼的环境，心里非常痛苦。我从小家里很穷，身体又不好，双手双脚溃烂，发臭，在学校没有朋友，经常被别人嘲笑，自己很孤独，长大 后，生活、工作和家庭也一直出现各种各样的矛盾和困扰，感觉人活着太苦了，真不知道为什么来到人间，真感到活着没有意思。自从得了大法，我的身体和精神面 貌翻天覆地地改变，我看到了生活的希望，大法让我树立了生活的信心，让我看到了生命的曙光。大法在我心里深深地扎下了根。可是，由于写了“三书”，我就感 觉自己又重新跌倒了黑暗的深渊，回到了修炼前那种无比苦闷的状态。我不知所措，一方面，我知道修炼对我的意义，我放不下大法。而另一方面，我想做了这么坏 的事，担心师父不管我了，感觉自己不配作大法弟子。终日以泪洗面。这种状态持续了8、9年，我感到自己已无力去改变，我走不出来，身边又没有同修可以交 流，就这样苦苦挣扎着，没有方向。
In January and March of 2000, I was arrested and taken to a detention centre and brainwashing centre twice. The evil used wicked and violent ways to lie to practitioners. Due to my strong attachment to fear and not studying the Fa properly, without any rationality, I wrote the “three statements” and left a black spot on my cultivation path. After I was released, due to my strong fear, for a long time I blocked myself off and did not dare to come into contact with other practitioners in case I was exposed and got arrested again, and I lost my own cultivation environment. I felt very sad. I came from a poor family and had ill health from a young age. Both of my hands and feet would often blister and smell bad. I never had any friends and was always laughed at in school, so I was always lonely. After I grew up, started working and got married, I also came across many obstacles. I felt that being a human being was so hard. Why did I come here? I felt that life had no meaning. After obtaining the Fa, my health and mental state had a huge turnaround. I saw light, hope and believed in life again. Dafa principles were instilled into my heart. However, after writing the “three statements”, I was thrown into the dark abyss again and felt tortured inside, like my feelings prior to cultivation. I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I could not let go of Dafa, but on the other hand, I remembered that I did such a bad thing and was worried Master would not care about me anymore. I also felt I was not good enough to be a practitioner. I would cry daily. This continued for 8 to 9 years. I felt that I did not have the power to change and could not walk out of it. There were not many practitioners around me with whom I could share my experiences. I struggled and did not have any direction.
有一天清晨，我突然间浑身无力，一动都不能动了，甚至都不能呼吸了，整个人就象不行了一样。只有一丝意识 知道自己在床上躺着。感觉生命很快就要被耗尽。在半梦半醒之间，眼前出现了一个景象：房间里布满了白纸黑字的挽联，自己躺在那里真的死掉了。看着另外空间 演化的这一幕，床上的我感到生命正在从我的身体上抽离，好像瞬间就要流走，马上就要离开这个世界。在最后的一刻，我心生了一念，我的身体就交给师父了，师 父说了算。就这一念一出，刷，一下子，半秒钟不到，身体就恢复了正常。呼吸顺畅了，四肢灵活了，好像什么都没发生一样。我被震撼了：也认识到，自己走了那 样的错路，在旧势力那里真的就被判了死刑，可是慈悲的师父，看到我还有那一念，还在看护着我，点化我，鼓励我。我当时真是泪如雨下。心中愧疚、感激等各种 情感交织在一起，我明白了，只要我坚定信心，我仍然可以走回修炼的路。我的生命已经和大法连在一起，分割不开了。我终于找到了方向，我要走回来，我要重新 振作起来。
One morning, I suddenly felt weak and could not move. I couldn’t even breathe. I only had one small thread of thought that I was lying in bed. I felt that my life was coming to an end. During my half-asleep state, I saw a vision. The whole room was filled with white and black words and papers. I was lying there, dead. As I watched this scene in another dimension, I could feel my life being sucked out of me, as if I would leave this world at any minute. When the last second came, I suddenly had one thought: “I give my whole body to Master. Master will make the decision.” As soon as this thought was formed, within half a minute my body recovered. My breathing became smooth and my legs and arms were mobile again. It was like nothing had happened. I felt shocked and at the same time I realised that when I chose that wrong path, the old forces had already given me a death sentence. However, our venerable Master saw that I would have that thought. He was still watching over me, enlightening me, encouraging me. Tears started to pour down my face and my guilt, gratefulness and many other feelings were all mixed together. I understood. As long as I had steadfast determination, I would continue to walk the path of a cultivator. My life together with Dafa cannot be separated. I had finally found direction. I must come back; I will do well.
我开始安排自己的时间，学法、练功，但由于强大的怕心，我不敢走出去讲真相。即使在家里，我也非常小心翼翼，炼功时将窗帘拉的密 密的，音乐都不敢放，大法书不敢在家里存，学法只用电子书，不愿和学员联系，偶尔有学员打电话，我都很生气，担心他们的电话被监听连累到我。就这样怀着强 烈的执著心，怕心，为私为己的心，像蜗牛一样，背着巨大的包袱，在修炼的路上慢慢地爬。直到有一天，睡梦中，师父让我看到了一个可怕的景象：在我的世界 里，是一片灰色和黑色，没有一丝生机，所有的生命都不存在了，无比的凄凉和灰暗。我被吓醒了。
I started to organise my time for Fa study and exercises. However, due to my strong fear, I didn’t dare to go out for truth clarification. Even at home, I was very careful and would close the curtains tightly and turn the music to the lowest volume when doing the exercises. I did not dare to keep Dafa books at home and would only keep soft copies in the computer. I did not want to contact other practitioners and if a practitioner called me, I would be very upset and become afraid that their phone was tapped and I would be affected. So every day, with strong attachments and fear and selfishness, I was like a snail carrying a huge burden, crawling slowly along the cultivation path. Until one day, in my dream, Master let me see a horrific scene. In my world, everything was grey and black, without any life. It was cold and dark. I woke up with a start.
我猛然意识到，我私心太重了，我想的都是自 己，考虑问题的出发点都是人心，没有尽到正法时期大法弟子应尽的责任，我世界的众生会由于我的不精进被毁掉。这个梦就象一个重锤敲在我的头上，我一下明白 了，我应该去讲真相，做三退，不辜负自己的使命。师父在《致美中法会》说：“ 学好法、做好讲真相的事，救度众生是第一位的。”于是，我一点一点地从恐惧中走出来，开始逐步地在亲朋好友和同事中讲真相，并帮他们做三退。断断续续作了 将近一百个左右。身边的人做完了，我又和同修合作，做真相币，我利用工作之便，从银行换出不同面值的新币，然后将三退的内容打印好，再在市场花出去。在 《2009年华盛顿DC国际法会讲法》〉上师父指出：“救度众生这件事情不做，你就没有完成你大法弟子的责任，你的修炼就等于零，因为叫你当大法弟子不是 为了你个人圆满，是身负重大使命的。”我明白了救度众生的意义和紧迫性，在师父的加持下，我也开始和其他的学员接触和合作，就这样在封闭了自己几年的情况下，在师尊一次次的苦心点化下，我象个身背重负的老人，艰难地，缓慢地从害怕的阴影中，从自我的束缚中走了出来。
I suddenly realised that I was too selfish and only thought about myself. Everything I thought about was due to human notions. I did not fulfil a Dafa practitioner’s duties. My whole world would be destroyed because I was not cultivating diligently. This dream was like a hammer to my head. I suddenly realised that I would fulfil my duties by clarifying the truth, persuading sentient beings to quit the CCP. Master said in “To the Midwestern US Fa Conference”: “Studying the Fa well, doing a good job of clarifying the facts, and saving sentient beings are your top priorities.” Then, I slowly walked away from fear. I started clarifying the truth to my relatives and colleagues, helping them to register for quitting the CCP. I helped about 100 people. When I ran out of people I knew, I expanded to people I didn’t know. Fellow practitioners and I started making truth clarification notes. I would use my lunchtime to go to the bank and exchange many new notes. Then I would print the news about quitting the CCP on them and spend them in the market. Master said in “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”: “If you don’t take action to save sentient beings, you will not have fulfilled your responsibility as a Dafa disciple and your cultivation will amount to nothing, for your becoming a Dafa disciple was not for the sake of your own Consummation. This means that you shoulder a monumental mission.” I started to work in a team with other practitioners. Enlightening to Master’s Fa, I was like an old person loaded down with a heavy burden, walking slowly and painfully out of the shadow of fear after shutting myself in solitude for so long. I had finally broken though my self-restraint.
2. Looking within and assimilating into a new environment.
在 国内的时候，我很多次地想往着能离开中国，到自由的土地上去做我在国内做不了的事。2009年，偶然的机会，我如愿以偿地来到了澳洲。我知道，这是师父给 我最好的安排。我终于可以和同修放松地交流了。可是，没多久，我就遇到了新问题。在海外，大家节奏都很快，除非共同作一个项目，否则互相之间几乎很少交 流；缺少国内同修的互相关心、互相鼓励的环境。而当我人心冒出来，做事情做得不好时，却会有很多同修过来批评我，虽然都是善意的，可y当我面对“你不向内 找，只考虑自己，不象一个修炼人，这种状态不行“等等不好听的话语时，我还是感到很委屈。那些话刺得我很痛，使我一颗满怀希望，想好好弥补过去，好好多做 大法事的心凉了下来。我不知道自己什么地方不对劲，很多问题纠缠在一起，我解不开那个结，我到了不想说话的地步，唯恐一说话又被同修批评。我又开始封闭自 己。
When in China, I often wanted to leave China and go to a land of freedom and do many things that I could not do in China. By chance, I came to Australia in 2009. I knew that this was arranged by Master. I could finally share with other practitioners freely. However, not so long after, I realised a new problem. Overseas practitioners are all extremely busy with Fa-rectification work and everything happens very quickly. If you are not in the same Fa-rectification project, you won’t even see each other much. There is a lack of looking after and encouraging each other like we did in China. When my human notions surfaced and I did not do so well, many practitioners would “scold” me, of course, in a kind way. This was when I would feel truly wronged and hurt by those remarks such as: “You should look within yourself,” “You only think about yourself,” “You are not a practitioner,” “This is the wrong thing to do,” etc. All I actually wanted was to catch up and try to make up for past mistakes, and do more Dafa things. My heart started to get cold and I was not sure what was wrong myself. There were many problems entwined together and I could not untie them. I got to the stage where I did not want to talk to anyone for fear of being reprimanded. I once again started to block myself out.
有同修看到我的状态不对，主动和我交流，我们共同回忆师父在《2009年华盛顿DC国际法会讲法》，“向内找，是法宝”。我无条件地向 内找，发现了自己正念不足，遇到事情用人心考虑问题多，造成了同修的不理解；我情比较重，总是哭着想孩子，想家，渴望别人关心和帮助；我缺乏慈悲心和忍耐力，总是看到批评我的同修的语气强硬，而没有看到那颗真正为我修炼提供帮助的心。我很惭愧，作为修炼的人，在修炼路上，应该去掉所有的人心，这么多年走过 来，还有这么多明显的执著，现在还不放下，什么时候放呢？我明白了，所有这些不好听的话，所有遇到的不舒服的事都是让我修的，都是让我去自己该去的心呢。
One practitioner saw that there was something wrong with me and actively came to share with me. We both remembered what Master said in “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”: “…looking within is a magical tool”. I started to look within unconditionally and realised that my righteous thoughts were not strong enough, and I was always thinking using human notions. This caused misunderstandings with other practitioners. I was also quite emotionally attached and would cry and miss my child and family, and hope that other people would care and help me. I lacked compassion and tolerance. I only saw that the practitioner who criticised me used a very strong tone, but I did not see that his/her heart truly did not want to hurt me. I was embarrassed and understood that as a practitioner, I should get rid of all attachments. It had been so many years that I had cultivated, yet I still had so many attachments that I could not let go of. When would I be able to let them go? I realised that all these comments that I did not like were tests in my cultivation.
“你们从圣洁而又无比美好的世界掉下来，是因为你们在那层次中有了执著的心。当掉到相比之下最肮脏的世界里，你们不快往回修，却又抓住肮脏世界里那些肮脏的东 西不放，甚至损失一点还痛苦的不行。你们知道吗？佛为度你们曾经在常人中要饭，我今天又开大门传大法度你们，我没有因为遭了无数的罪而觉的苦，而你们还有 什么放不下的呢？你能把心里放不下的东西带進天国吗？”
I would like to conclude my speech with a paragraph from Master’s article “True Cultivation” in Essentials for Further Advancement: “You fell here from a holy, pure, and incomparably splendid world because you had developed attachments at that level. After falling into a world that is, by comparison, most filthy, instead of cultivating yourself to go back in a hurry, you don’t let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses. Did you know that in order to save you the Buddha once begged for food among everyday people? Today, I once again make the door wide open, and teach this Dafa to save you. I have never felt bitter for the numerous hardships I have suffered. Then what do you have that still can’t be abandoned? Can you bring to heaven the things deep down inside that you cannot let go of?”
Thanks fellow practitioners.