Letting go of my fundamental attachment

去掉根本的執著


By Denice from Melbourne


Greeting Master

Greeting fellow practitioners

师父好!

同修们好!


My name is Denice and I’ve come to realize that it’s time for me to share about the issues I’ve been facing during my cultivation in the last few years. The focus is on how I came to understand my fundamental attachment. It played a negative role in many ways during Dafa Projects which I had participated in. As I wouldn’t do any job of responsibility. I would just help out with all the small things as support staff.  I was always on the sidelines waiting for others to start a project so I could help them.   

我叫Denice,我想和大家分享近几年来修炼心得,发言的主题是我怎样悟到什么是我的根本执著,这个执著在我参与的大法项目中很多时候起着负作用。我从不想负任何责任,只是在小事情上帮帮忙,作为副手,我总是等着其他人领头搞起项目,然后参与进去帮忙。

 

My fundamental attachment was a lack of self worth. I had always felt that I was undeserving of anything good or worthwhile. I felt that any bad situation was my fault and even asked myself, how could I do something so important as to be a Fa rectification Dafa Disciple? I never felt that I was good enough.  

我根本的执著是没有自信心,我总是觉得好事与我无缘,任何坏事发生都是我的错,甚至质疑我怎么能做正法时期大法弟子这么重要的事情?我一直认为自己不够格。


My thoughts during cultivation had always been about letting go of attachments.   I would listen to every thought looking for attachments to let go of.  Over time I realised that this was an attachment in itself. I thought that if I could only let go of another attachment I would be a better person, I would be worthy.  I would sabotage myself by pushing others to reinforce how I felt about myself. I believed because of my lack of worth that I had for  myself, that my life should be difficult, hard, and torturous and so I actually made my life difficult, hard and torturous. 


自从修炼以来,我一直努力的去各种执著,时时注意我的每一念,找出执著,去掉它。渐渐发现,这本身也是一种执著,因为在我的潜意识里,去掉执著,成为更好的人是为了让自己觉得自己有点用处。我会努力的让其他人认为我就是我认为的这种人,从而诋毁自己。因为缺乏自信心,我相信生活是苦难的、艰辛的、折磨人的,实际上我自己把生活变得苦难、艰辛、折磨人。


The only time that I felt like my true self was when I did the 3 things. I was focused and confident with all my thoughts in the Fa, I knew that this is what I was meant to do. 

只有在做三件事时,我才觉得我是真正的自己,聚精会神,有自信,一思一念都在法上,我知道我应该这样做。


I had never distinguished the difference between Denice the everyday person and Denice the Fa Rectification Dafa Disciple - they are actually two different people.  

我从来分不清作为常人的Denice和正法时期大法弟子的Denice的不同 – 其实她们是两个不同的人。


When I started to practice Dafa, my whole life changed. Not only were all my illnesses healed but my life direction changed as well.  I do not acknowledge Denice the everyday person who had illness anymore Now I see the real me - I am a Fa Rectification Dafa Disciple.  

开始修炼大法,我的人生改变了,不仅病好了,生活的轨迹也发生变化,我不再承认被病痛折磨的Denice。我现在知道真正的自己是正法时期大法弟子!


In Essentials for Further Advancement 11 Master has said:"Dafa disciples are magnificent, because what you are cultivating is the ultimate Great Fa of the cosmos, because you have validated Dafa with righteous thoughts, and because you have not fallen during the massive tribulation. Dafa disciples’ doing Fa-rectification has no precedent in history. In the magnificent, grand feats of validating the Fa with rationality, clarifying the truth with wisdom, and spreading the Fa and saving people with mercy, each Dafa disciple’s path of Consummation is being perfected.  At this great moment in history, every steady step is a glorious historic testimony, and is incomparable magnificent mighty virtue.  All this is being recorded in the history of the cosmos.  The magnificent Fa and the magnificent epoch are forging the most magnificent Enlightened Beings." page 74

在《精进要旨》(二)弟子的伟大一文里,师父说:大法弟子是伟大的,因为你们修的是宇宙的根本大法,因为你们用正念证实了大法,因为你们在巨难中没有倒下。大法弟子正法,历史上从没有过先例。在用理智去证实法、用智慧讲清真相、用慈悲去洪法与救度世人的伟大壮举中,完善着每一个大法弟子圆满的路。在历史的伟大时刻,稳健的每一步都是光辉的历史见证与无比伟大的威德。这一切都将在宇宙历史中记载。伟大的法、伟大的时代在造就着最伟大的觉者。


I am a part of this. I now hold my head high and follow what Master has arranged for me.

我是其中的一分子,现在我昂首挺胸,坚定的走在师父给我安排的修炼路上。


Sickness Karma

病业


As a cultivator I had sickness karma, but I kept calling it cancer and an over active Thyroid; it was in my thoughts all the time that I was ill. At this stage, I didn’t see the difference between being ill and sickness karma but knew that I had human thoughts. This was before I distinguished myself from the Denice before practicing Dafa, who had Lung disease, allergies and Chronic Fatigue who was dying, and Denice the Fa rectification Dafa disciple who had Cancer and an over active Thyroid again I thought that I was dying.  At this stage I couldn’t see the difference.

作为修炼者,我有病业,但我一直称它为癌症和过分活跃的甲状腺,在我思想中一直认为我有病,那时我分不清楚是病还是业力,但我知道我有人心。也分不清哪个Denice – 是修炼大法前有肺病、过敏、慢性疲劳症、快死去的Denice, 还是正法时期大法弟子的Denice。我还是认为我快死了,我分不清哪个是哪个。


I was very secretive about the sickness karma, for the first 12 months I didn’t want anyone to know. My low self esteem told me that I deserved  the sickness karma. I realized that by not sharing about the issues in my cultivation it would be difficult to break through this thinking.  Slowly over the next 6 months I started to share with practitioners about my situation. 

对于这个病业,我保密的很好,头一年,我一直不让其他人知道。我的自卑心告诉我应该得这个病。后来我悟道了,如果不与学员交流修炼中出现的问题,会很难突破当时的思维方式。慢慢的在接下来的六个月了,我开始和学员交流我的情况。


I was looking for support. Then one day though my tears I shared this with a Sydney Chinese practitioner. He said to me: ‘Denice I am so sorry to hear this, so many practitioners are dying, you need to go to as many Fa Study groups as you can, every day if you can, and go to were you know there are practitioners practicing the exercises.  It was exactly what I needed to hear. I cut back my hours at work and started to go to the big group Fa study.  As well as another two Fa study groups in my area. 

我在寻求学员的帮助,有一天,含着眼泪,与悉尼的一个中国学员交流了我的情况,他说:听到这个,我很难过,好多学员都面临生死考验,你应该多多的去参加大组学法,最好是每天都去,还要去集体炼功。这正是我想听的,我缩短了工作时间,开始去参加整个墨尔本的大组学法和在我区的其他两个学法组。


In Essentials for Further Advancement Master said:  “The human body is like the annual rings of a tree, whereby each ring contains sickness-karma. So your body must be cleaned up from the very centre.” “This will continue until you cultivation reaches the highest form of Shi-Jian-Fa (the pure white body) when all your karma will have been pushed out.   Page 40

在《精进要旨》病业一篇中,师父说:修炼就是从人生命的本源上给你清理。象树的年轮一样每一层都有病业,那么就得从最中心给你清理身体 “一直要修炼到世间法最高形式、净白体状态时全部推完


When I read this it all made sense to me and I could see the difference between having an illness and sickness karma, I knew that Master was patiently waiting for me to enlighten to it. 

再读师父的这段法时,我明白了,我也能分清生病和病业的不同。师父一直在耐心的等着我悟到。


Master is my support. He listens to me, he helps me to enlighten, he is always there for me. I no longer cultivate in loneliness because Master walks by my side. I put my life in Master's Hands and I have Dafa in my heart. Thank you Master!

师父总是帮助我,倾听我的诉说,帮助我悟道,他时时刻刻呵护着我。我不再感到孤独,因为我总是在师父的身边,我把一切都交给师父,大法在我心中。谢谢师尊!


This is my understanding at my level.

层次有限,请慈悲指正。