Erin Toiken's sharing
This is my first written article. Firstly I am grateful to have obtained the Fa two years ago, however I feel it’s only in the last year I feel I can really call my self a practitioner of Falun Dafa. Recently, ever since watching Master’s lecture to Australian Practitioners, I have become more clearheaded on what is truly required of me to be a true practitioner and realizing the human notions and attachments I must cultivate through and would like to share them.
Hesitation when doing something that is required of me.
When I am asked to help with calling MPS, government officials or media regarding Hong Fa activities or law cases, my initial reaction and thought is being hesitant because of fear of failing or saying the wrong thing or going blank and sounding like I don’t know what I am talking about. However I came to understand it doesn’t matter how I feel or what I fear, but what is required of me, to do what is needed to do without notions or emotions, and once a doubt comes in to my mind to be able to recognize it straight away and eliminate it – For I am A Dafa Diciple and this is what is required of me. This simple but powerful thought helps me rid any interference.
Though I also realize that to truly be able to recognize these notions at the time and eliminate them I have to be diligent in my Fa Study, having only just caught up reading most Jingwens, the main message that is emphasized to me over and over again especially for a relatively new practitioner having come into the Fa rectifying period is Master saying to read Zhaun Falun, read, read, read. – For I am a Dafa Disciple and this is what is required of me.
Confrontation
‘When a conflict takes place between one another, the mind is the hardest thing to control.’(Zhaun Falun)
Confrontation and criticism is also a major test I have had to brake through and will continue to break through, as a child I always took everything to heart. When ever someone criticized me or insinuated anything negative, I would get upset and would always react defensively.
Recently I was asked to help out in China town to hand out flyers, once I arrived
a Chinese practitioner spoke very rudely in Mandarin directed at me, I was shocked
at this practitioner rudeness, however instead of reacting calmly I reacted the same
as her, pointing and shaking angrily towards her, after walking away I realized that
I reacted the same as her just as I would not like to be treated There is no excuse
for my behavior because it doesn’t matter whose right or wrong I should have handled
it calmly, without judgment, but with compassion only -
Strong Righteous Thoughts
Having ‘suffered Depression’ since a young girl and throughout my life, I would often go for days feeling Numb with voices in my head telling me that I am no good or I am a failure and don’t deserve to live. After I started practicing, for more than a year, I had a hard time accepting that I could be worthy of being a practitioner, I would often have flashbacks of memories of my wrong doings in this lifetime with negative thoughts such as how can I possibly be a practitioner and obtain such a righteous Fa with the bad things I have done and I would at times be paralyzed with fear crying for hours not being able to get out of bed.
It was through my Husbands continuous encouragement to read the Fa and his Forbearance of these brake downs that occurred every 6 weeks of so, and not giving up on me that I came to break through such a dangerous test.
Eventually I came to understand how truly compassionate and merciful Master is and having realized Master does not judge me for my past wrong doings and that every time a negative thought or flashback enters my mind to realize straight away that it is not my thought and not to accept it but to deny the old forces trying to persecute me and to stop me from doing what i came here to do, I finally understood the importance of having strong righteous thoughts – for I am a Dafa Disciple and this is what is required of me.
I would like to emphasize that we as fellow practitioners, don’t let each other fall, be truly compassionate and tolerance of each other no matter what! and of course to be truthful by pointing out each others attachments and notions so as not to let our fellow practitioners fall or be interfered with so we can do a better job saving sentient beings. For we are Dafa Disciples and this is what is required of us.